Tried but Failed
by sugarandashley
Summary: i tried. i really did try. i tried to stop her but she was too stubborn and wouldnt listen. i tried so hard but i failed. now i lay here in a pool of blood holding the one girl that i had ever loved. wondering what to do next...
1. Chapter 1

Chapter one

_**Based on a true real life story. So please review and tell me what you think**__**J**_

I tried. I really did try. I tried to talk her out of it but she was too stubborn and wouldn't listen. I tried so hard but I had failed. Now I lay here in a pool of blood holding the one girl that I loved. Wondering what to do next.

My hands were covered in her blood. My mind was swirling with questions that I already knew the answers of. The main one was why? But I already knew why. The guy she thought she loved had cheated on her with two other girls. That lying, cheating fucknut thought he could do that to her! She was the most beautiful girl in the whole world. The one girl that didn't care about what people thought of her. The one girl that had given me so much had done this to herself.

I had known her since she was five years old. Then I had a flashback:

_I sat behind the glass door as mum cooked breakfast for dad and I. mum asked me why I sat there everyday and I replied ' cause there is this red headed girl that goes to my school and I really like her and want to see her again'. mum smiled and kissed her cheek. Then I got up on my bare feet and bolted out the door as I saw her in her black tights and pink jumper and her red locks bouncing behind her. Her pink boots crunched on the leaves as she walked to the tire swing that swung from the oak tree branches. I was so excited to see her and when I turned the corner I saw her green eyes flash and she smiled big. Her thin arms wrapped around me in a tight hug. Then she turned around and started counting. 1! 2! 3! _

_I quickly ran away from her into the woods and ducked behind a blueberry bush. I couldn't see through it because it was too thick. I heard her call out ' READY OR NOT HERE I COME!'_

_My breath caught as I was super quiet. I could hear the crunch of leaves as she came closer. Then it was quiet. I peered around the side of the bush to see where she was but I couldn't see her. Then I jumped and screamed as I felt light hands bash down on my shoulders and then I heard hysterical laughter. I turned around and saw her. ' you should of seen your face Jacey!' she laughed. _

' _shutup Clary. How did you find me?'_

' _you hide in the same place all the time. Its easy'_

_I shrugged and then I heard mum calling from the house. _

' _I gotta go. Mums calling me' I told her smiling._

_She hugged me again, " see ya then Jacey! Love you'_

_I ran off up the hill and yelled back love you too._

I was brought back to reality by a wet feeling on my cheek. It was a tear. That was the first time that I had ever said that to anyone. But we were five years old and as I grew up with her I realized that she said that to everyone. Not just me. But to her best girl friends, the boyfriends that I watched painfully break her heart. But this jerk was by far the worst. Simon Lewis. The guy whose life was about to end. I was going to make him pay. Pay for what he drove her too.

I thought back to when she told me about it. Just a few hours before. _I was walking home from football training. I was hot and bothered and just wanted to go home and shower. My phone started ringing in my pocket. I got it out and Clary's name flashed on the screen. My face heated up and I smiled at the memory of her this afternoon. I picked it up and I heard a girl in hysterics. This was not the clary I knew. She never cried. ' Clary whats wrong?' I asked her. Terrified for the answer._

' _Simon cheated on me Jacey! With Maia and Aline. He slept with them. I thought he was the one. I loved him!' she just about shouted it through the phone. _

'_clary im so sorry. That bastard. I will ruin his life you know? How dare he do this too you. Im coming over. Do you need anything?' I asked my best friend._

_More crying, ' no Jacey. You don't need to do anything. Im about to hurt him. don't come over because you wont like what you see. The floors will be stained and there will be stuff everywhere'_

_More crying and then coughing,_

'_Clary. What do you mean your about to hurt him? Why will the floors be stained?' I asked her now worried. I started jogging in the direction of her house which was 20 minutes away._

' _its so hard. I thought he loved me. He told me he did. But he doesn't because he slept with them. I cant take it anymore. I have been crying like this since I got home. My heart has now been officially broken. don't come over. Please Jacey'_

_I ran faster, still holding the phone to my ear, I heard the banging of what sounded like draws and then the scraping of something sharp against metal. ' Clary. What are you doing?' I asked her, now fretting. _

_Her voice came out choked and whispered ' I love you. Goodbye Jacey'_

'_NO DON'T HANG -' the phone hung up and silenced my voice. I started running as fast as I could towards her house. She wouldn't do it would she? She couldn't. I loved her too much. I just never had the courage to tell her that in person, to her beautiful face. I punched in 911 to my phone and it dialled, '911, whats your emergency?' a female voice asked me. _

' _I need your help. My friend. She is about to commit suicide!' _

'_sir, please calm down. Please state the address and the situation'_

' _31 love grove avenue New York. I told you the current situation just send someone to help me!'_

' _alright sir. The ambulance and the police are on their way'_

_I hung up and ran as fast as my shaky and almost numb legs would carry me. _

_I jumped over fences and playground toys and then I came to her street. I was at number 20 when I heard a scream of pain. My mind screamed at me and lights turned on in houses nearby. People walked out onto their driveways. 'CLARY!' I yelled her name from ten houses away and hoped and prayed to god she hadn't done it. But I knew she had. As I came to her house I saw her door was open slightly. I crashed through it calling out her name. I walked cautiously up the stairs and saw a dim light flickering from inside her room. Her door was open and there was a spot of blood on the carpet outside her room. _

_My gut dropped as I stood in her doorway. There in the middle of the room was the body of my best friend and my crush. She was lying in a pool of blood soaking the carpet. As I walked closer I saw she was still breathing. Her side lifting slowly. I skidded beside her and rolled her into my arms. I saw she had slit her wrists. Her arms were covered in blood. Well, her whole body was. The green of her eyes showed faint under her eyelids. ' clary im so sorry! I should of gotten her sooner!' I cried with tears falling from my eyes. She looked up at me_

' _its not your fault', then she looked up at my hair, ' im going to miss your golden hair, your golden eyes, your face'_

_I felt her body stop moving as she stopped breathing. ' no' I whispered. 'NO!' I shouted at the top of my lungs. My body hunched over hers, " FUCK!'_

**Back to the present:**

I heard the sirens of cars and saw the flashing of lights outside the window. Police ran up the stairs and one of them put his hand on my shoulder. I looked up at him. " im sorry" was all he had to say. That was when I made the promise. The promise that would change my life. I would make Simon Lewis' life a living hell. He had caused this and he would pay. I would avenge her death. Because I loved her!

_**Please review. Tell me what you think**__**J**_


	2. Chapter 2

**Thanks to all the people who reviewed! And a shout out to my new buddy LittleMissSparkie2012! And so the others don't feel left out tlkin2much and Miki and Mel!**

**Read and review please!**

* * *

**just want to say. i moved a step forward with my crush! got so excited!:) 3**

_**Jace POV**_

I thought of how I would tell her mum and dad. Her mum would be devastated I knew that. Her dad would be too but knowing him, he wouldn't show any actual feeling or emotion until something little just happened to push him over the edge. but they probably already knew.

Then I thought of Clary again. I thought of all her features that I loved. Her soulful green eyes that turned me on. Her long red locks. Her tiny body. Her full pink lips. Everything about her I loved, no doubt about it. I just wish I had manned up and grown some balls to ask out my best friend. I wish I had. Things would be different.

She would never have gone out with that three timing jerk! She would never have cried over the phone. She would never have died! I blamed myself and my shyness. I remembered when she was talking about Simon and asking him out. Thinking about it still brought heart flutters and sweaty palms.

_**Flashback**_

_I sat on the stone bench in mine and Clary's favourite spot in the woods. It was a small clearing with vines creeping up the legs of the bench, purple and yellow flowers growing everywhere and a small pond of clear water in the middle. It obviously had belonged to someone before. But it was beautiful. I came here when I wanted to be alone but when she asked me to I wouldn't hesitate. _

' _Jacey, can I tell you something?' she asked me, her eyes cast to the ground. I looked at her, my heart fluttering in anticipation._

' _sure' I told her._

' _well, I was thinking of asking a guy out tomorrow but I don't know if he likes me like that'_

_Me thinking she was talking about me ( it felt stupid now) said ' im sure he likes you a lot. You just don't see the hints he gives you. He is probably too shy to ask you out. So you gotta make the first move'_

_With saying that, she looked up at me and smiled, ' thanks Jacey. I might do it tomorrow morning. He's in my English and maths class'_

_My heart sunk. I was in neither of those classes. I was only in her art , science and history class. I felt crushed, and then I cleared my senses and spoke_

' _who is this guy that your crushing on?' I asked her suspiciously _

' _don't judge me but Simon Lewis' she said smiling._

' _eww! Him? Whats attractive about him?' I said laughing_

_She playfully slapped my arm 'I don't know. But when he looks at me and smiles, its like the whole world stops and its only us two. it's a bit wishy washy but that's just how I feel' Clary shrugged,_

' _have I ever told you, you have horrible taste in men?'_

' _yes, loads of times' _

_That was true. I did tell her that all the time. _

_**Flashback ended**_

I was at home now and laying on my bed and staring hopelessly at the plain, white ceiling. It brought me nothing but at that moment all I could do was stare at it and get lost with my thoughts. I didn't want to think but it was all I could do. I didn't have the will to get up and do things. I heard a knock on my door, I couldn't bring myself to say come in but the door opened anyway.

My sister came in. Isabelle. Her long black hair fell down her back as she walked in soundlessly and sad looking. She was two years younger than me. I was 16 and she was 14. At 14 she had many guys chasing after her, she wasn't ugly like most brothers were supposed to say. She was beautiful. But she wasn't really my sister. She was my adoptive sister. She had been since I was three. When my dad was a victim of a hit and run, my mum had been murdered soon after and she sent me to live with her best friend Maryse and Robert lightwood.

I didn't look at her, I kept my gaze to the ceiling. Then I felt her cold hand on mine and the bed sink as she sat on the edge. " Jace whats wrong with you lately? You havent come down for dinner or any other meals and you don't watch the football with dad anymore like you used to. What happened that has made you so upset?"

" you wouldn't understand Izzy. Please just go away and leave me alone. Im sorry" the last word came out choked. I rolled over to face the wall so she wouldn't see the tear trickling down my cheek.

" are you crying?" Izzy said, sounding horrified and scared at the fact that yes I was crying.

" Izzy, I said leave me alone. Please. I just need to be alone right now"

" Jace you're my brother and I love you. I know when something is wrong. You can tell me you know? I will try and help you"

" Isabelle, please just stop. Im sorry but I cant tell you right now. Maybe you'll read about it or something just stop asking me. Like I said you wouldn't understand" I said sighing.

I felt the bed bounce back up as she got off. " I know about love Jace! You got no clue how much guys are after me. Stop saying I don't understand because maybe I will. Whats the deal with you?"

I rolled over and sat upright in my bed. I must of looked horrible because her face changed from angry to soft and vulnerable.

" just go Isabelle. Go"

" you only ever call me Isabelle when ive done something wrong. What did I do? Ive never seen you like this before. You look weird. Vulnerable even"

" you did nothing. I swear. Just go"

" god your worse than mums PMS" she said as she strode lightly out of the room.

I sighed and laid back down on my bed. Shortly after I heard Izzy and dad talking. Dad was trying to tell her to calm down but it wouldn't work. She could win any argument by yelling and tormenting. Then I heard Alec and Max. Max was ten years old and Alec was the same age as me. We were very close me and Alec. We shared everything but this was something I wasn't planning on sharing with him. I heard raised voices and then I heard my name being shouted. It meant come to him. But I wasn't going to.

Then I heard mum yell at him to stop and to listen to her. Hushed voices and then an 'oh my god'. I heard dad's slippers coming toward my door and then it opened right on cue. He shut it behind him and walked over to me. He pushed me over to make room for himself and laid down beside me.

" im so sorry son, I didn't know"

I didn't say anything, or look at him. " son, you know you could of told me or something. I could help you through this. You're my boy and im your dad, its my job"

I rolled over again and sighed. " I don't want help. Ill get through it myself dad"

" son, come on don't be like that. These things don't go away just like that with no help. With no help it could take years and years but with help it could take months"

" I don't care. You don't know how much it hurts dad, I didn't have the balls and I feel so stupid now!"

" Jace, I know it hurts, but may I ask what you didn't have the balls for?"

I cleared my throat and rolled back over to face him. I had never told anyone this before but I could trust my dad right? " dad, all this time ive loved her so much it hurts. Ive never had the guts to tell her that straight to her face because I was too scared that I would embarrass myself because she wouldn't feel the same. Ive known for ages that I have and Ive watched while she dated other guys and I watched when she kissed them. But you don't know what it felt like to hear her scream and all the neighbours looked at me running down the street and when I held her in my arms on the floor soaked in her blood, I held her while she died. I felt her head roll onto my knee and her body go limp. I felt like someone had taken my heart out of my chest and torn it into a thousand pieces in front of me. She was the only one ive ever loved and I cant help feeling its my fault"

There was silence for a minute and then dad sighed, " oh son, its not your fault. don't believe that. Ill admit I don't know what that feels like but I can quite plainly see that your hurting. Pretty badly at that too. Just know that im here if you need to talk okay?"

I nodded and rolled over facing the wall again. A couple of tears rolled down my cheek and I felt dad get up. He opened the door and I heard Isabelle ask what happened. I heard dad open up the door again. " do you want me to tell them?"

I nodded and continued my depression. I heard dad shout out to Alec and Max to come listen. Then I heard him talking softly, but because it was right outside my door I heard every single world, " okay, kids your mother and I and Jace would really appreciate it if you did not talk about this to anyone and don't go spreading it on your face book or twitter gizmos either okay?"

" yes dad" they said in unison.

" okay so heres whats happening. You all know Jace's best friend Clary right?"

I heard Izzy say yeah suspiciously.

" well, she has committed suicide. Jace held her as she died so he is very fragile at the moment. He blames himself because he didn't get there in time and he couldn't say something to her before she did it. So just leave him alone guys"

I heard a muffled cry come from Isabelle and a gasp from Alec and Max. then Isabelle spoke, " so is that why he was all pissed at me before?'

" language Isabelle. For christ sake but yes that's why. So leave him alone and don't give him any crap about it"

" can I see him dad?" Izzy said. He must of said yes because she opened the door. Her hair now in a bun on the top of her head. Then alec and max came in.

" im soooo sorry Jace. I didn't know about her but now I do and I feel like a horrible sister. Please forgive me I didn't mean to make you angry" she said, flinging herself on me so her stomach was on my side.

I turned around and I heard Max gasp and Alec mutter something that looked like god. Isabelle's usual frown was now gone and replaced by her tears building up in her eyes.

" I wasn't angry with you Izzy. I'm just upset about it all"

" I can see that but Jace?" she said still on me.

" what?"

" what did you want to say to her? Dad said that you blame yourself because you couldn't tell her something. What was it?"

I looked at Alec and Max. max was too young to understand love and girls and Alec.. Well he was on the other team. Nobody knew except me and it made me proud of him that he could tell me.

" I wanted to say to her that I loved her. I have since we first met I just didn't have the courage to tell her that, if id said something sooner, she would never have gone out with that son of a bitch and she wouldn't be in the ground"

" oh jace! don't blame yourself. She was your best friend, I understand how youd feel. If you told her and she didn't like you that way the friendship would have been awkward and it would have ended"

" exactly. So im sorry if I seemed angry before. It was just me putting my walls back up"

" its okay. Being like this means you have feelings so your not alien"

Any other time I would have smiled or laughed. But this was different. Then Max and Alec hugged me too. They all got off me when dad called them. Before izzy left she repeated " im really sorry Jacey"

_Jacey. Jacey. Jacey. _its what Clary always used to call me. Never Jace. Just Jacey. I didn't know why she always called me that but It just seemed so natural now. I sighed and I felt another tear creep down my cheek.

An hour passed and the afternoon sun crept through from under the blinds. It was yellow and orange. The door opened and in came my mum. Her black hair tied into a pony tail at the back of her head. Her light blue eyes showed above her writers glasses. She was carrying a tray. On it was a glass of water and a sandwhich. I really didn't feel like eating right now.

" I thought you would like something to eat"

" im not hungry" I said, burying my face into my arm.

" Jace, come on, eat something please. You havent eaten anything in two days"

" I said I wasn't hungry so please… just leave"

" honey, don't do this to yourself. It wasn't your fault, she made the decision on her own. That doesn't mean you have to starve yourself as a punishment"

I didn't bother replying. I felt her hand on my cheek. It was cold and shaky. " Jace just know I love you so much"

Once again I didn't bother replying. I heard her sigh and then she got up off the bed and walked out of my room. I heard hushed voices of mum and dad in the hallway. They were too quiet to understand a word. My phone rumbled in my pocket but I ignored it. I didn't want to talk to anyone right now. I looked at the clock on my desk and saw it was only 8 at night. I still had an hour until the others went to bed and another half an hour before mum and dad went to bed. My phone rumbled again and I was staring to get pissed off. It was really annoying now. I ripped it out from my pocket and stared at the screen. It was two messages from my best friend, Sebastian.

_**Dude, why havent you come to school? Teachers think your wagging**_

_**Are you gonna answer me?**_

I sighed and pressed reply. _**coming tomorrow. Just don't piss me off**_

Seconds later I got a reply, _**don't worry Jacey poo. I wont make you mad, but that Simon kid might**_

I stared at the screen in frustration. _Jacey, Simon._

Looking at my nickname made me sad but as my eyes travelled over the screen to _his_ name it made me uncontrollably angry. So angry that I threw my phone at my wall. It hit the wall with a loud bang and clattered to the floor. I sat up quickly and looked at it, smashed. Great, I thought. Then I looked at the wall and it had a little hole in it where the phone had hit it. But I wasn't finished yet. I was still angry.

I grabbed my pillows and threw them across the room. They hit the door and bounced off onto the floor. One of them hit my bookshelf. I looked at it with anger surging through bones, I found a book that Simon had given me. A book about how to get a girls attention.

**Flashback**

_I was talking to Sebastian next to my locker about how he gave something 'special' to a girl he had just met. I know what your thinking, something dirty but it was a necklace he was planning to give to his mum for mothers day. Dumb guy! I felt fingers tap on my shoulder and turned around to see none other than Simon. He had been with more girls than me but they only wanted him for his money. He was just too stupid to see it. He threw a book in my locker. It was a light blue with a black spine. ' lets see how many girls you get after you read that!' and he left. _

_Sebastian gave me a weird look as he held the book in his hand. He read the title out loud ' how to attract women to bed?' _

_I snatched it out of his hands and flipped through the pages. It had steps and everything. I threw it back into my locker and walked to my English class. _

I grabbed the book and threw it backwards into the wall. It hit with a bang and a crunch. I grabbed another one. Another one. Then my phone rang. It was an unknown number but I answered it anyway.

" what?"

A very familiar and hated voice seeped into my ear. Not a very deep voice but a man voice. This number belonged to Simon fucking Lewis!

**Review. Review. Review. **

**Tell me what you think should happen in the next chapter because im running out of ideas****J**

**Cause its Friday I might update on Sunday again just for fun. But it all depends on how many reviews I get. **


	3. Chapter 3

_**Thanks to everyone who reviewed. No clary cant come back to life. You'll see why in this chapter. And the end of this chapter is inspired by Alpacagirl101 for her awesome suggestion in reviews and also by miki and mel who gave the same suggestion. I know, Simons a jerk**__**J**__** and a warning for my buddy LittleMissSparkie2012, this chapter is sad too. I will stop making you cry but not just yet. Sometime soon though**__**J**__** haha anyway enjoy! And don't forget to review giving me another suggestion for chapters!**_

It was Simon Fucking Lewis. Speak of the devil. The voice that I hated so much right now rang through my ears like a chant. Over and over again. After half spitting and half yelling what through the phone he spoke again and this time I answered,

" wow, your grumpy tonight arent you?" I could hear the smirk in his voice and could clearly picture it in my head. It made me want to punch his teeth out.

" what do you want Lewis?" I asked him.

" jeez straight to the point. I thought we could have a little chat"

" im not friggin stupid dick. What the fuck do you want?" I asked him again, now getting pissed.

" alright you got me dickface. Just wanted to know if you knew where my bitch was. She hasn't been too school in two days and I need some relief. If you know what I mean" he said as he started laughing.

Every muscle, bone and nerve was screaming at me to march over to his house with a gun and shoot him in the face. How dare he call her his bitch! How dare he say he needed some relief when he had a threesome! His voice interrupted my thoughts. " Jace? Did you die?"

I was so tempted to say no your girlfriend did but I held my tongue, knowing it would do no good if I said that.

" don't you dare call her your bitch lewis! She is much more and so out of your league. Your so damn lucky to have her but I know you what you did and Clary paid the price for something you did dick!"

" what the fuck are you talking about? Out of my league? Bitch please if anything im out of her league. If your so sure about yourself what did I do then that she paid the price for?"

" you friggin had a threesome while you were dating her. You cheated on her with two other girls!"

With that I hung up. I opened the door and slammed the phone into the couch. I got flung stares from everyone in the house. " what the hell are you all staring at?" I yelled at them.

Mum jumped in her seat, dad dropped the paper and gawked at me, Izzy dropped the remote onto the floor, Alec just kept staring at me and Max dropped his Nintendo DS. I ignored them and marched back into my room slamming the door shut as hard as I could behind me.

I was so angry right now, it wasn't funny. I felt like the smallest thing could make me kill someone. I grabbed the lamp off my bedside table and ripped it from the wall and threw it at the wall. It hit with a very loud bang and the blub inside it shattered and the glass fell on my floor. I tore up my room, I could no longer see the floor as it was piled with broken stuff.

" Fuck!" I screamed as I punched the wall so hard it left a hole. Dust fell from the ceiling.

I heard a bang on my door and a male voice sound from the other side. It was Alec. " Jace, open the door"

I pushed my hands through my golden hair and closed my eyes. The door pushed open but it stopped as It hit the broken lamp. But Alec pushed it further, moving the broken lamp as he did so. His face came around the corner of the door and he looked horrified. His jaw dropped open as he looked around my once immaculate room. " jesus christ Jace. I thought you liked your room spotlessly clean, not I cant even see the floor clean"

I sighed and sat down on my bare matress. Alec sat beside me, " dad sent me in to try and calm you down"

I ignored him and looked away. But Alec moved so he was face to face with me again. " you really scared the crap out of mum before. When you left she started sobbing and jumped every time you broke something. You scared everyone"

I remained silent but Alec continued to ramble on " who was on the phone before? He or she must of said something really bad if you did all the this"

I took a breath " _him" _I spat out the word like it was burning the tip of my tongue and spitting flames everywhere.

" what did he say?"

" he called to ask me if I knew where his bitch was. that's clary by the way. And he needed some 'relief'"

" wow. He sounds like the biggest jerk"

" he is. Do you know what he did to her?"

Alec shook his head.

" when he was dating her, he had a threesome with Maia and Aline. that's why she did it because she thought he was the one"

" men these days. If I was straight and had a girlfriend I would make her feel like the queen of the world. I would never do that to someone and drive them to what she did"

" that's why I love you Alec. We are so alike. But just for the record im pretty straight"

" I realized Jace. You idiot" he said and playfully punched my arm.

I acted hurt and then slumped to the floor. I picked up my clock and it fell apart in my hands. I threw it in the bin.

" want some help?" I heard Alec say behind me.

" nah, you suck at cleaning."

" your loss" he said as he left the room.

I got to work cleaning my room and throwing out the broken things. I found a photo frame that had smashed. The picture inside made a tear fall down my cheek. It was a picture of Clary and me from only a few weeks before the accident. In our favourite spot. Clary had wanted to make an album of us for my birthday which was… was…. Next week? How could I forget my birthday? Pretty easy if you ask me.

**Flashback**

_We were sitting in our favourite spot. The sun bright and warm. Clary put a hand in my hair and ruffled it. " what are you doing?" I asked her laughing. _

" _we are going to take pictures for my album"_

" _what album?" I asked her _

" _im making an album for your birthday"_

_I opened my mouth to protest but clary shushed me and said " too late to protest Jacey. Ive already bought it and its half full already so no buts"_

_I rolled my eyes at her. If I was going to take pictures I may as well have enjoy it right? Clary held up a camera and turned it to face us. She put her arm around my shoulder and leant her head on my shoulder. Her hair tickling my chin. I looked at the camera " SMILE!"_

_I smiled as the flash went off. A shutter sound and then clary sat up and turned the camera around to face us. It showed the picture on the screen and she laughed. " that's a nice photo don't you think Jacey?"_

_She showed it to me and I had to admit it was a nice photo. I nodded and then we went home._

I put my finger on the cracked glass and took the photo out of the frame. I found some sticky tape and taped it to the wall beside my bed. A tear slid down my cheek, ' I miss you so much Clary. Why did you have to leave me? I love you' I whispered.

I finished cleaning my room and it was soon back to the way it was before I was angry. Mum came in and grabbed the tray from my table and sighed, " I wish you'd eat something" I ignored her as she walked out of my room and closed the door. I decided to take a shower. Maybe the water could wash away the pain. I knew it wouldn't though. Nothing could help and nothing ever would. Would I be like this forever? Lost in my own depression and anger?

o.0.o.

**Maryse POV**

It was so agonisingly hard for me as his mother to watch him suffer like this. It had been two days since her death and those two days had been filled with his pain. I could see he was hurting, it was obvious. To watch my son being happy and laughing, coming out to watch the game with robert every night and talking to his brothers and sister, and now he was miserable and had not had a smile since the incident. I used to love the way his eyes lit up when we talked about Clary or anything else. I used to love the way how in extremely hard times he would care about himself after he cheered everyone up. He would laugh and joke around and he would never frown or show any sign of intimidation or vulnerability.

Now he never smiled or joked around. His face was full of pain, his eyes rimmed red from the lack of sleep and the amount of times he had let his tears escape his eyes. He hadn't cried for six years. But now he could cry for hours on end.

He scared me now. I could see a side of him ive never seen before. Angry and miserable at the same time which was the most dangerous kind of angry. The way he yelled at us before scared me to death. It made me jump. He never yelled. Ever. We could hear his whole conversation because he was yelling. He swore in every sentence and insulted the guy on the other line. Then he started throwing things and breaking things. I saw the holes in the wall and the broken glass on the floor. The last nights were incredibly hard. I could hear his heart breaking into his pillow as he cried out his frustration.

Isabelle was upset too. But alec most of all. To Alec, Jace was his rock. His source of survival in a swirling mass of water. If there was trouble Alec would cling to Jace and beg for advice. Of course, Jace didn't mind. He always gave it to him. They were inseperable most times but this was a time where Jace didn't want anything to do with any of us. His family. He ignored everything we said, everything we did. It was taking its toll on poor Alec. Alec no longer had his big rock and advice giver. He had a miserable, heartbroken soul who was melting away into the dark. What if we lost him? What if he never came out of this miserable time? Would he be the same person he has been for 16 years? Somewhere inside of me I thought he would never be the same if he came out of his depression. He was in love with his best friend he had, had since he was five years old. His love and his friendship had died along with Clary.

o.0.o

**Jace POV**

I stepped out of the shower, wrapping my towel around my waist. The water did nothing. I still felt the same. I pulled on my boxers and ran my hands through my hair. Water droplets still clung to my body but I didn't care. I changed into my boxers and then climbed into my bed. I wrapped the blankets around myself and closed my eyes. I had a dream, for the first time in two days. It was really a nightmare but I always called them dreams.

_I felt a hand on mine and I looked to see Clary. I sat up and looked around. I was in a field of flowers. Clarys favourites. White roses. The sun beat down on our faces and warmed them, ' clary?, it cant be you, your…your..'_

_She sat up and to my surprise straddled me. Her legs clenched tightly around my hips, her hands fisted my hair and her breathing grew ragged and her lips parted. Her eyes looked to my lips to my eyes. Begging for permission. I sat there frozen. Her lips came down on mine and my eyes instinctively closed. Her lips were so soft like wool. They were warm too. Just like I had imagined. _

_My lips moved with hers and for the first time we were kissing. She stopped and looked at me,_

" _god I want you Jacey. Ive wanted you forever but I didn't think you loved me" she said her green eyes flashing._

" _ive always loved you Clary. I always will, since we first met"_

_She kissed me again and I laid her down on the soft grass. The roses poking up around her arms. She still had her legs wrapped around my waist. _

The dream changed

_Simon was laying down on a bed. A naked girl was riding him, her short brown curly hair bouncing on her shoulders. I recognised her as Maia. Simon's hands were massaging her breasts. Her face full of pleasure. Then another girl came from around the corner. She had straight black hair and dark brown eyes. Aline. She sat on the bed and watched Simon and Maia. Simon sat up while Maia continued to bounce up and down. Then Maia and Simon cried out as they came together. Maia whispered something in his ear and a smirk filled his face. He pushed Maia off him and said something to her. She smiled and got off him. She put herself beside him and began giving him a blowie. He gasped and laid back down again. Aline came and sat on his face. He began to eat her out. _

Then it changed again

_Clary was crying hysterically in front of me. I held her close to me. Then it started raining and thunder struck and lightning forked down the sky. I heard a deep growl come from beside me. I looked and saw a massive wolf. Snarling and drooling. Its lips curved back from its teeth, showing how big and razor sharp they were. It howled and snapped its teeth. I was frozen in place. Then I heard Clary scream as the wolf grabbed her by her foot and dragged her out of my arms. She screamed my name as the wolf ran backwards dragging her in its mouth. I jumped up and started running towards it but it was too fast. I yelled out her name as the rain pelted down harder. Then she was dragged down a dark and deep hole in the ground. _

_I could hear her screams for help becoming distant. 'Clary!' I yelled down the hole. I needed help. I spun around to go find help but a throbbing and sharp pain came in my stomach. Simon Lewis stood in front of me with a smirk on his face. He was holding a pole or something and it was pointing towards me. I looked down and saw that it was inside of me. My blood splattered the pole and a spreading stain across my shirt. He pushed it harder and my jaw dropped in pain. I staggered and he dropped the pole. A metallic taste was in my mouth and I put my hand up to it. I coughed and blood splattered all over my hand. He smiled as I fell to the ground outside the hole. Another scream louder than all the rest. A familiar scream. I looked down the hole and it started flooding with blood, "clary!" I screamed as loud as I could. _

_I looked at Simon, " fuck you" I whispered as my eyes shut. _

I was being shaken. Heavy hands on my shoulders. I jerked upright in my bed and gasped. Beside the bed stood my dad. His hands were on my shoulders shaking me. He let go once he saw my eyes were open. I pulled the sheets down and looked at my stomach. There was nothing there. Except my abs of course. I sighed and then dad cleared his voice, " son are you okay?" he asked, I could hear the concern in his voice.

" no, im really not. Why are you here waking me up?"

" you screamed out her name. it sounded like someone was snapping your bones" (_**try and imagine him screaming her name as Jacob screams in eclipse)**_

I looked at him with wide eyes. " son, whats wrong? Why do you look so scared?"

" I screamed out her name in my dream"

" and by dream you mean nightmare obviously. What happened in your dream that made you scream like that? Your mother is outside in hysterics"

" nothing. I don't want to talk about it" I said lying back down.

" are you sure? Would you like me to bring Alec in here? He is pretty shaken by that"

" no. I don't want to see anyone right now. Whats the time?"

"its 8:30. In the morning"

" shit im gonna be late" I said scrambling to get out of bed but dad blocked my path.

" your not going anywhere Jace. don't you think its too soon?"

" yeah but I told Sebastian I was coming today"

" too bad, just tell him you got the flu or something"

" I cant" I said diverting my eyes.

" why not?" dad asked in his very questioning tone.

" I smashed my phone" I said under my breath. But he heard it anyway. If it was any other time he would of started yelling but he didn't. he sighed and walked out. Handing me the home phone. " call him then"

I shook my head and slumped down into my matress. Dad left with phone in hand. Shortly after Alec came in, " Jace are you okay?"

I nodded and turned to face him. " yeah im fine. You going to school?"

" yeah. I got a maths test on today. But ill stay if you want me too"

" no buddy. Its okay. Go and do your test and if you see Seb can you tell him im sick or something? don't spread the word about… you know"

" sure Jace. See you at 3"

I nodded and turned back around and faced the picture of clary and me. Then my door opened. Izzy. I could smell her perfume. I heard a clang on my bedside table. " mum told me to bring this to you"

I turned around and saw it was a tray of breakfast. Bacon. Scrambled eggs, juice. It was my favourite. My stomach growled and I knew izzy had heard it. I punched my stomach. Not very hard but hard enough to make it stop, " Jace! What the hell are you doing? Eat something and it will go away"

" im not hungry" I told her but I was. Very.

" your howling stomach says otherwise"

I ignored her as she sighed and left. The car starting as mum drove her to school. The day went incredibly slow. But I was going to school tomorrow. So I could teach lewis a lesson.

I decided to go to sleep again. My eyes felt really heavy so I closed them and was overwhelmed by dreams again.

_It was dark. Just pitch black darkness. Then a spotlight came and highlighted a girl. She was naked and had bouncy red curls. She was crying and covered in blood. I ran over to her and she looked at me with mascara running down her face. " Clary? Whats wrong?"_

_She sat up and saw she was bruised and cut. I grabbed her hands and pulled her up to stand. But she couldn't. " whats wrong?" I asked her. _

" _Simon…. He….he…" she stuttered and then pulled something from behind her. I heard crying and screaming. But it was baby crying and screaming. She pulled a baby from behind her back. _

" _clary. What the hell happened? Did he do this to you?"_

_She nodded, " it was all him Jacey. I need you to take care of brett for me. Im not going to be here for him"_

" _what do you mean?" I asked her squeezing her hand. _

_Her eyes rolled and she fell limp. Her hand fell from my mine. The baby called Brett was quiet in my arms. I looked down at him and he opened his eyes. They were bright green like his mothers. Her son. Now my responsibility._

o.0.o

It was morning and I was brushing my teeth. I was wearing my black sleeved shirt with my jeans and my shoes. Butterflies filled my stomach but I knew I would be fine. I still hadn't eaten anything. My stomach growled all the time now but I had learned to ignore it. I couldn't remember the last thing I had eaten. My eyes had become dull and lost. I ran a hand through my hair and then grabbed my bag from my bed. I shoved books in there and then walked slowly out of my sanctuary.

The car started and I jumped in the front seat. Alec, Izzy and Max stared at me. " stop looking at me" I said to them. They all darted their eyes elsewhere careful not to catch my gaze. Mum drove me, Alec and Izzy to school. She dropped us off at the front gate. She said bye and Max waved. Alec and Izzy followed me as I walked through the hallway. People stared at me and whispered among themselves. What were they talking about? I rounded the corner and Alec and Izzy stopped as they found their group of friends. I found my locker and shoved my books inside. I was soon met by Sebastian, Magnus ( Mag), Luke and Jordan. Sebastian spoke first, " dude, where the hell have you been? We thought you'd died or something"

" I didn't die. I was sick"

Luke spoke, " obviously. You look really tired"

" well I slept all day yesterday so I don't need any more sleep"

Everyone was quiet. Then I felt a tapping on my shoulder. I knew who this was. Simon.

I spun around. " what the fuck do you want dickface?" I half shouted.

People turned to watch and I saw Izzy and Alec duck around the corner with their friends.

" don't talk to me like that bastard! I just want to know where bitch is"

" what did I say on the phone. don't you dare call her that!" I yelled louder this time.

" oh who really listens to you Jace? Seriously! Where is she. Did she get hit by a car in a hit and run? Or was she murdered and your hiding her?" simon shouted.

I heard Izzy and Alec gasp. Sebastian, Luke and Jordan did too. They were the only ones who knew about my parents. So how did Simon know about them?

Before I knew what was happening I had grabbed Simon by his collar and slammed him against the lockers with an almighty bang. " don't you fucking dare say anything like that again! You sick mother fucker!" I yelled.

" or what? Your gonna call your dead mummy or daddy to come and slap my wrist? Or get your whore sister to yell at me?" he shouted in my face.

I couldn't control myself any longer. I had brought my fist back and punched Simon in the face. It thrust it to the side and he spat blood onto the floor. People crowded around us and started chanting fight. Fight. Fight. Fight.

" don't you ever fucking call my sister that again you Fuckwit! Or say anything like that to me again!" I yelled at him, slamming his head again with my fist.

Then Simon hit me and all hell broke loose. " where the fuck is Clary dick?" simon said.

Teachers blew whistles and I felt two hands on my shoulders, trying to pry me away from Simon but I wasn't finished. " you don't know do you? You don't know what you did to her? Really? You are fucked up if you cant figure out what you did to her!"

Simon spat more blood onto the ground and smirked. " you know what? I wasn't even thinking of her when I was having sex with two girls! She didn't cross my mind because she has the smallest tits in the whole world. She may as well be a fucking man. that's how pathetic she is!"

" how fucking dare you! If anyone is pathetic its fucking you!. You mother fucking fucker!"

I drew my fist back and punched him over and over again. I slammed him into the lockers and I could tell he was gonna lose. He punched me in the face again and I punched him in the chest. It knocked him back but he lashed out at me. Teachers were yelling threats to me and Simon but I wasn't stopping anytime soon. Then simon pulled something from inside his leather jacket. It was shiny and he whipped it across my chest. It was a knife. I didn't care if he cut me. It wasn't going to make me stop. Teachers kept yelling but I punched him anywhere I could get him. Then I felt a sharp pain in my stomach. I doubled over as he smirked at me. I heard screams from Izzy and Alec and everyone else as I looked down and saw the knife had sunk hilt deep into my stomach.

I wanted nothing more than to wipe the smirk off Simons face. that's exactly what I did. I grabbed the knife and pulled it out of me slowly with trembling hands. His jaw dropped. He wasn't expecting that. I smashed his head into the locker and I saw it start to bleed. At least I had messed up his face. Then Simon grabbed my head and punched me in the eye. His knuckle sinking in my temple

I heard screams of students. I saw Izzy come and kneel down beside me. My vision went blurry and the last thing I saw was the bloody stab wound in the middle of my abs.

Then everything went black.

_**So what'd you think? Review and give me an idea for the next chapter. The more reviews the faster I put the chapter up. **_


	4. Chapter 4

_**A big thankyou to my buddy LittleMissSparkie2012, the only person who reviewed in a week….. Oh well still love you guys, please tell me what you think of this chapter, I wrote it in one night.! Enjoy!**_

I woke up in a white walled room. It was very unfamiliar and my instant reaction was to get up and get out of this place as fast as I could, but as soon as I sat up stinging pain shot through my chest and stomach. I looked down and saw a bandage stretching under my armpits to my hips. Then I remembered. The fight with Simon. I had been stabbed.

My head really hurt too, I could tell I probably had a bruise or two. Then I flopped back down onto the pillows with a groan as I felt a wave if nausea. Then something stirred beside me. I looked and saw Alec's eyes fluttering open and then he rose quickly and pressed a button behind my head. I followed his hands as he pressed it and then watched him. " what time is it?" I asked him.

He stared at me like I had burned his favourite jacket.

" you just woke up after a day of sleep and getting stabbed and you want to know what time it is?"

I looked at him blankly, " what day is it?"

He rolled his light blue eyes and said, " its Friday afternoon lunch time"

I sighed and looked down at my bandages. " what the hell are these for? I cant breathe"

" Im not really sure actually" alec said scratching his head.

Just then a nurse came into the room. She carried a tray that consisted of a cup of pills, a glass of water and an apple. Pills?

I looked at her confused and she didn't need another hint to explain, " you take one pill every time you feel dizzy for the next three days got it?"

I nodded as I took the pill. The nurse left and then mum came in followed by Izzy and dad and Max. " Jace, are you okay?" mum asked.

I nodded again as I was too exhausted to speak now after taking the pill.

They all sat in the chairs against the wall. Then the nurse came in again, " im really sorry but all of you cant be in here at once, maybe two people but that's it"

Dad, max and Izzy left closing the door behind them. Alec drooped down into the chair and mum stood beside the bed, playing with the curl of the white sheets underneath me. " honey, I just wanted to say I love you"

I nodded but she kept talking, " and none of what happened at school is your fault under the circumstances you will get no punishment but Simon lewis will probably be given an after school detention"

If I was myself I would have argued over the fact that nothing was being done about Simon. I was stabbed and hospitlized for his actions and all he was getting was a silly arvo? No way. But I was in no mood to argue. I just simply nodded.

Then mums cold hand was on my cheek, " rest now Jace. You look exhausted"

I was exhausted and very tired. I closed my eyes and all at once dreams overpowered my brain and forced me into a deep sleep.

'_jacey' 'jacey' 'jacey', was all I could hear. It was becoming softer and only one person called me that. Clary. But she was gone… I realized I was in a cave, a dark and smelly cave. In front of me was pure blackness were the sounds were coming from and behind me was a large green flower field with the sun shining and butterlflies flying everywhere. But Clary kept calling. Before I knew it my legs were moving and it was like the were directing themselves. In the direction they wanted to go. My brain was screaming to turn back and go to safety but my legs and limbs would not listen and insisted on going forward. _

_I saw a bundle of red lying on the floor, a small glimmer of light beaming down upon it. Then I heard a familiar voice ' come on Clary, ill give you something that you would never dream of'. simon lewis spoke somewhere. The red bundle was Clary. She wore a red cloak that matched her hair, it hung from her shoulders to the floor covering her body. She got up slowly, the cloak slipping away and revealing her bare shoulders, and then it stopped. She grinned and said joking in a voice unlike her own. I heard Simon laugh from wherever he was and then a sickening crunch was all I heard, as I looked to Clary and saw her leg bending in a grotesque way. She howled in pain and her mouth opened wide as she doubled over and vomited little black creatures. They looked like tiny human beings but were covered in black fur and armed with a weapon. A knife, a razor blade, a nail file anything that was sharp. _

_Then they all came running surprisingly fast towards the direction of Simon's voice. I soon heard his screams and howls of pain and agony as the little creatures cut him, bit him, clawed at his eyes and his skin. I took a step forward towards Clary but I felt a splash of something warm on my leg. I looked down to find myself knee deep in a pool of red liquid. Blood. I looked toward Clary and I saw her cloak colour was melting and creating the pool. The colour and life drained from her face as she too started to melt. I started to sprint toward her, I mean swim, toward her in the liquid but the more I tried and tried the thicker the liquid got. I shouted her name. _

_She looked up at me and screamed an other worldy scream as I saw green run from her eyes, down her cheeks and fall into the pool. Then I saw a flame tickling at her foot. I shouted at her again and all I could do was watch as she caught on fire. Her screams of pain as she writhed and spasmed on the cave floor. The fire was out and all that was left was a pile of ashes. I scrambled to the edge of the pool and scooped up the ashes in my hands. ' no' I whispered. _

' _clary please don't leave me, I need you here with me. I … love you, for real'_

Then my eyes flicked open and I sat up but then remembered my stomach and laid back down. I felt sticky and looked down at myself. I glistened with sweat and I looked around and saw two heads looking in from the window. I recognised them as Izzy and Alec. I looked at the clock Alec had left me and saw it was 8pm. couldn't I go home yet?

I put my hands in my hair and pulled on it which made things feel a bit better.. Oh who was I kidding? This was never going to change.

A nurse opened the door. She was short and looked young. She had a couple of freckles on her cheeks and big green eyes and long curly red hair. I stared at her blankly so hard that I didn't see Alec walk in and sit beside me. She noticed me staring and smiled and continued on with her work. She moved like her too with such elegance and grace. " Clary?" I asked her.

Beside me a cough sounded but I ignored It and continued to stare. The nurse turned around and looked at me. " Mr Lightwood I apologize but I am not Clary"

" but you look exactly like her" I said sounding like a confused old man.

" im pretty sure im not her. My name is Amatis Herondale"

" oh sorry, its just you look like her"

She smiled and walked out. Then Alec spoke beside me, " you know she looked nothing like Clary right?" he said raising his eyebrows.

" yes she did. She had the red hair and green eyes" I told him

" no Jace she didn't. she had brown hair and blue eyes, she looked nothing like her"

He knew Alec would never lie to him. Especially given the circumstances. He sighed, " maybe im just going crazy then"

Alec who had made several attempts to humour him tried again. " maybe you'll end up as a crazy old man in a home" he was smiling but I wasn't. I just looked at him blankly as red spread across his pale cheeks as he embarrassed himself.

To him there was nothing worse than telling a joke that he thought was funny but nobody else laughed or smiled. That was why he hardly ever told jokes, everyone left it to me. Which was not happening any time soon.

I took my pill and skulled it down with some water. After that I felt tired again but I didn't want to go back to sleep. I was afraid that I would have another dream like the one before that left me hallucinating and delusional. Mum came in and I asked " when can I go home?"

" tomorrow morning honey. Just get some rest" she smiled sweetly and squeezed my hand.

" but I don't want to sleep anymore" I said between a massive yawn.

" why not? You look so tired"

" because I have these dreams and I don't like them. This morning it left me thinking the nurse was _her_"

" honey, its okay, its just your grief talking. You want to see her so badly so you dream about her and then when you wake up you think your seeing her. Its probably the pills"

I sighed and laid there playing with a loose string of my bandages. It was actually quite entertaining. I ended up playing with it for an hour and a half before visiting hours were over and everyone had to leave so I could rest. Part of me wanted them to stay and the bigger half of me wanted them to leave and go home. I didn't want them to see me like this. Vulnerable and weak. To prevent that I isolated myself. In my family I was the strong, funny and cheerful person but now I was weak and in a cloud of misery.

o.0.o

**Simon's POV**

I was glad that I had stabbed him. He deserved it. He knew nothing of what happened that night and he still confronted me and blamed me for something I knew nothing about. Jace was hiding something. Something big from all of us. I was going to get to the bottom of this and do something about it. When I said that she should be a man and she was pathetic it sent him crazy. It was like burning a live animal. I meant what I said. She was pathetic. In bed and every other area. I had popped her cherry two days before I had sex with Maia and Aline. She had cried for hours and got mad at me for not helping her. I had never done that to someone before. Popped their cherry before, so I was scared and didn't know what to do.

She told Jace of course. The thought of them being best friends disgusted me. She told Jace everything, all the time. If I looked at another girl she would run and tell Jace. If I asked her to do something with me she would tell Jace first and come back to me later and say no. it was obvious that he was in love with her. It was obvious to everyone but her. She was oblivious to the thought that her best friend could like her more than a friend. See, Jace and me had a history. A bad one at that. We had been in the same classes and kindergartens for our whole lives.

We had been friends once in the first year of primary school but when I stole his stuff and hit him that's where things got worse. We fought each other all the time and he had one because he was stronger and bigger than me. I was skinny and lanky while he was tall and had a build. Over the years his build had gotten bigger and bigger to the point where he had muscle everywhere. He had a six pack, biceps and a wide chest. I, on the other hand had filled out a bit but not much. So when we fought I would practise weaponry. He had muscle and agility on his side but I had speed and weapons.

I knew what mattered to him the most. Years of rivalry and hate had gotten the best of us and I had taken the one thing that he loved and destroyed it. By hurting her I was playing with a ticking time bomb. I had gone out with Clary to piss him off and it worked. every time clary uttered my name to him he would frown and scowl in disgust and every time he would walk past us kissing or hugging I would hasten the pace and he would look disgusted and then disappointed and walk away. It was kind of funny. Then I had that threesome with Maia and Aline to piss him off further. That was the best of them. He had gotten so angry that he had yelled at me and insulted me over the phone and picked a fight with me at school. I was proud of myself that I made him suffer like this.

o.0.o

**Jace POV**

It was now midnight and I was struggling to keep my eyes open. They fought with me to close but my brain forced them to stay open. I didn't want to sleep but the pills were forcing it upon me. I started to feel the aches of my bones as they wanted to rest and stay still. Then I succumbed to darkness.

_Clary stood in front of me. She was covered in blood and had cuts all over her wrists and a stab wound to the stomach. I rushed over to her and put my hands on her bloody cheeks. She looked at me with sad green eyes. " jacey I miss you. I didn't mean to cause you all this pain and suffering. I was selfish and now I wish I hadn't done what I did because of what I did to you"_

' _its okay. I forgive you for doing what you did. I just wish you hadn't, its really hard not seeing you everyday anymore' I said to her. _

'_I saw you got into a fight with Simon. Why did you do that?' clary asked me sadly_

"_how do you know about that?" I asked her._

"_jacey im always there right beside you. I know what your doing every day and what your thinking and I know what you have done. I would never leave your side"_

_Before I could say anything she vanished into thin air. A cloud of smoke left behind where she had just stood. Then I was in a forest being scratched by tree branches and tripping over roots. Spiders crawled along my arms and then I was picked up by a branch and flung into a pool of swirling black nothingness. It was like I was trapped in some sort of thick cloud. A green mist rose up out of the blackness and as I breathed it in I felt like I was being burnt from the inside out. My organs were on fire and I couldn't breathe. I saw a bright light and then I passed out. _

The dream ended and I sat up quickly gasping and holding my throat. Nurses were beside me in an instant. Stressing and worrying. One of them tried to shove a morphine into my wrist but I pulled my wrist away. " what the hell is wrong with you? Im fine, it was just a bad dream you idiots!"

I found mum in the corner start to cry as the nurses looked shocked and dumbfounded. Dad was in the room too trying to comfort mum and Izzy, Alec and Max were watching me struggle against the nurses. The nurses backed off and apologized and said I could go home. Relief rushed through my veins as he nurses took mum and dad outside of the room for a 'chat'. izzy, Alec and Max waited in my room for surrounded by awkward silence. Nobody wanted to say anything about what had just happened and I didn't feel like talking.

Mum came back into the room and told dad to grab my bag. Nurses helped me up and told me to take a couple steps forward. My legs were a bit shaky but I managed. Dad swung my arm around his shoulders and helped me into the elevator and into the carpark. I sat in the backseat of the car by myself while everyone piled in. soon I was on my way home. Back to my cave.

o.0.o

A day later I was walking into the school again. Behind me Izzy and Alec. Alec stayed close by my side and was sure to keep an eye on me at all times. Izzy was surrounded by her friends as usual. I walked to my locker and put my books In and then heard my group of friends start cheering and hollering in the halls for my return. Mag was the most excited, he was gay and had a thing for my brother. Luke patted my shoulder and asked if I was good. I nodded tiredly and they left me alone. Well by alone I meant they didn't talk to me they just stood around me in a circle. Protecting me and shielding me.

At midday I was in the middle of maths when my name was called over the loudspeaker. _**Jace Lightwood, come the office immediately**_

I got out of my seat and everyone watched me leave the room like I was some kind of alien being sent back to my home planet. I left and walked to the school office.

I opened the wooden door and stepped inside. My side ached with all my moving around and I was guided down a hallway into the principals office. The principal came out, Ms Belcourt and told me to take a seat in her office.

I did and saw three police officers in the room, looking calm and smug as all officers did.

Then one of them stepped forward and spoke in a gruff voice. " Jace lightwood?"

I nodded and looked at them. Another one moved behind me and told me to stand. I did and looked at the one in front of me. " as you know 15 year old Clary Fray died a week ago and you are the only one who knows at this point, the exception of your family and hers"

I swallowed hard as I fought back tears. Hearing her name spoken was so hard.

" well her boyfriend Simon Lewis insists you have done something to her and we are forced to take action upon you"

Anger fueled my veins and my bones. It surged through me, " you think _I _killed her?" I whispered.

" Jace Lightwood. I hereby place you under arrest for the murder of Clarissa Fray"

**So, I think that's it for now. Because im a nice person and it's the school holidays for two weeks I will think about updating on Wednesday. **

**If I get five reviews I will update Wednesday, if not then you guys have to wait for a week for the next chapter.**

**SO PLEASE REVIEW!**


	5. Chapter 5

_**PLEASE READ! - to aussie readers, you might now about the Hendra Virus that has attacked our horses, people and now dogs since 1994. It is now in Mackay and getting closer and closer to Brisbane and I just wanted to say if anyone needs some info about how to prevent it or signs to look out for you can PM me or review asking for it and I will help you but im just saying to look out for your horses and pray that it wont get them**__**J**_

_**RECAP:**_

_" Jace Lightwood. I hereby place you under arrest for the murder of Clarissa Fray"_

I felt cold metal clinch around my hands. I struggled and fought them but there was no use. " I didn't kill her!" I yelled at them but they ignored my pleas. One of them muttered something under his breath that sounded like, ' that's what they all say'. the cop behind me pushed me through the door gruffly and quickly. The bell sounded and everyone piled out into the tiled hallway and gasped. They made a line and I felt like I was walking the plank into a swirling group of man eating sharks.

" move along students. Nothing to see here!" Ms Belcourt said but everyone ignored her.

I saw a familiar pair of blue eyes in the crowd. It was Alec. He looked at me and gasped. " ill call home!" he shouted. I nodded as the police stopped me and shoved me around them. One of them spoke, " he cant be bailed out kid. He is being charged with murder"

Alec stepped forward, away from the growing mass of students behind him and up to the officer that stood before him. " murder? Are you serious? Jace is the nicest guy you'll ever meet, he wouldn't hurt a fly! And you are throwing him in jail for murdering someone?" Alec's eyes flashed with anger as he looked at the officer.

" im not talking to you about this here mate. Jace is being charged with the murder of a girl,"

The officer took a step forward and boomed his voice, " I don't know if anyone noticed but young Clarissa Fray has been missing for a week now. This young man was the last person to see her. She may or may not be alive but we have every right to suspect Jace. He has a history of violence with people as given by Simon Lewis"

People booed and moaned nasty words. Alec stepped back as the officers shoved past him. Butterflies rose in my stomach as they pushed my head down into the car and got in. sirens turned on as I was driven to the police station. These people were idiots! They had been there and saw clary's body and they knew about her suicide and one of them even tried to comfort me after everything. They were stupid. What would happen to me now? Would they ever recognise me as the poor guy who suffered that night?

o.0.o.

I sat with my head in my hands staring at my shoes in my cell. It smelt in here, like sweat mixed with deodoriser. It was disgusting and foul. I heard talking come from outside and I looked up to see the guards changing over.

" hey! Whats he in for?" the new guy asked the guard in front of me

" murder of that red headed girl at love grove" he said glancing at me slightly.

The other guy looked at me and I saw for the first time who he was. I recognised his face. I stood up and had a hopeful feeling in my gut. My hands clutched tightly around the bars as I called out, " HEY!"

They both looked at me. One of them grabbed a taser from his back pocket but the other one stopped him. They waited for me to talk. My attention was focused on the new guard.

" do you remember me? You held my shoulder and said im sorry when you came in the room. Remember? The girl who commited suicide and I was holding her in my arms as she died?"

The guard thought for a moment or two. " jace right?"

" yeah, can you tell them I didn't murder her? Please?" I said begging like a dog on the street.

The guy nodded and turned to the other one and told him everything. They immediately opened the cell gate and called home. I was finally out after hours and hours of sitting there. " Im sorry for all of this Jace" the one I knew said

I nodded as I walked outside, escorted by the officer and to the waiting car, that never actually left in the first place. Mum was sitting in the front with dad behind the wheel. When they saw me mum was the first to jump out and wrap her arms around me and squeeze me tightly. I winced at the pain that throbbed around my chest. She apologized and led me to the car. The officer stood there as I got in and rolled the window down, " thankyou, for everything" I said. He smiled and waved as we drove off.

o.0.o

I wasn't allowed at school the next day so I watched movies and played on my phone and stared at the ceiling. Still never coming out of my room. Mum would come in every once in a while to check on me and offer me food or water but I turned it down. Right now I was watching some movie about an Indian who found refuge in a cave and befriended a soldier. It was a really boring movie but I had nothing else to do. My phone would ring and it would be Magnus asking about Alec or how I was. I told him we were both fine and Alec was being weird since the thing at school. Then he would hang up.

It was true. Since Alec had stood up to the officer in a crowded hallway he had looked more confident like that was what he needed. I didn't know how everyone was moving on with their lives after what had happened in a week. I had found it extremely difficult so I stayed put and suffered.

Mum came in again and asked for me to stand up and she would change my bandages and give me a pill. It was very unnecessary but the pill would make me feel better almost. It would make me tired but better.

My eyelids fluttered closed and once again I was dreaming.

_I was walking down a very muddy pathway. It was raining heavily and hard to see in the pelting rain that beat down on my jacket. I was slipping and sliding. Then I saw a shadow start to run at me in front of a chair. He jumped it like a hurdle and kept coming but it was hard to see. Then he was in front of me and stabbing me in the chest with a massive silver knife. I stared into his eyes, coffee brown with an evil glint. It was Simon lewis. _

I woke up gasping and clutching my chest. I was breathing heavily. I looked at the clock and saw it was midnight. Nothing in the house stirred so I figured I may as well go back to sleep. But this time I had no dreams.

I woke up again to the sound of my door creaking. Izzy stood on the other side.

" can I come in?" she asked.I ignored her, wanting to go back to sleep but she came in anyway. What the hell? I yawned a massive yawn and she spoke, " what was it like being in Jail?" she asked me like a really dumb blonde. " boring" I said quietly. I just wanted to go back to sleep. No matter how much I had slept I had always felt the need to close my eyes and sleep." do you want to eat something today Jace?" she asked with a hint of hope in her voice.

I shook my head slowly and she scowled, " but Jace, you've lost weight and that's why your so tired"

I raised my eyebrows at her as if to say what a load of shit. She started arguing, " its true. Ask anyone, its what the nurses told mum. You got to eat Jace, otherwise you'll waste away into nothing and die" her voice rising a bit.

I had heard enough about death this week, I was sick of hearing the word, " maybe I want to die Izzy. Ever thought about that? Maybe im trying to waste away into nothing. Then I would be away from all of this shit!"

Poor izzy looked horrified and scared, " you want to die?" she said, her voice shaking.

I nodded and looked away from her face. " but Jace, all of this suffering will end. People do these things all the time and their loved ones learn to get over it. You got to do that too"

I sighed and rolled over, pinching my arm. I pinched it harder and harder. It was a bad habit I'd gotten into lately. I did it when people were around me telling me to get over it. But no matter how hard I tried I couldn't. it was impossible to get over it. I pinched my skin harder until it started to throb and sting. I had done this many times before and I had little bruises on my arm. Then Izzy grabbed my hand. " Jace! Stop it!" she yelled.

I let her pull my hand away from my arm as she looked at the bruises. " did you do this to yourself?"

I ignored her question as she dropped my hand and ran out of the room, closing the door behind her. Then I heard muffled voices, I couldn't really hear them but dad rushed into the room. It was the fastest I had ever seen him move. The door swung open and hit the wall behind it. Dad stood in the doorway, his face twisted in shock, fear and desperation. His eyes were large behind his temporary glasses. I made my back face him and I dug my head into my pillows.

I heard him move and sit down beside me. His hand was on my shoulder, rolling me over. I let him and his face softened when he looked into my eyes. " oh Jace"

Was all he had to say. I knew he was looking at my bruised face. Then his eyes travelled down to my arm. He picked it up and looked at the bruises on there, that I had done.

" Jace, honestly, do you want to die?"

I gulped and nodded my head.

" son, I know your taking this pretty hard but I want you to know, doing this to yourself wont help you. It wont make you feel better. When you look at these bruises that you've done to yourself, do you feel proud or ashamed?"

I ignored him as he kept talking, " I don't want you to harm yourself Jace. Its not right and when you say you want to die its just the depression talking. Your miserable we know but that doesn't mean your allowed to die"

I sighed and looked at him. " dad you have no idea how hard it is. I have heard that one word more than I should in a week. Ive had to deal with a lot this week and people keep telling me to get over it but I cant. Ive tried but I cant"

" its baby steps Jace. If you take it one step at a time it will work"

I took a deep breath and looked away from his grave face. " tell me something happy?"

Dad laughed and thought for a moment. " do you remember when you used to wait at the door every morning for Clary? You would be up for hours and sit at that door in the same place and stare out at the park. Then you would jump up so fast you would think you were never there in the first place. You two would play games for hours sometimes and your mother and I would watch from the sink window. We would watch you laugh and smile. That one smile never left your face the whole time you were with her. Your mother used to say you had found that one person that could always make you happy. I'll admit that you had a very strong bond with that girl"

A smile twitched at my lips but it wouldn't show. I could feel it but I couldn't smile. I remembered that like it was yesterday but it was when we were five. Then dad got up,

" Jace, I just wanted to say that there is no stronger love than that felt by a father and his boy. I love you son"

I nodded and blinked three times. It was Thursday today and I wanted to go back to school and punch Simon's face in for what he had done. He of all people should know that I would never hurt Clary. I never did and I never would. It was 7 in the morning so I got up and walked slowly into the shower.

I unwrapped my bandages and the cold morning air hit the skin and it felt nice. I stood against the wall and let the water hit my cuts and bruises. I washed my hair and my body and then got out into the now very cold air. I heard the patter of rain on our roof and sighed. Today was going to be a miserable day.

o.0.o

I sat in my science class staring at the movie screen where a woman was disecting a frog. Girls were looking horrified as the guys laughed and I just sat beside Luke and Sebastian as they laughed when the frogs leg was cut off. The bell rang for home and all the girls ran out of the room with their bags and followed their friend groups. My science teacher stopped me at the door, " Mr Lightwood. I hear you went to jail?"

" yeah it was a misunderstanding"

He raised his eyebrows " oh? Why would it be a misunderstanding?"

" because I would never hurt her or anyone. I didn't kill anyone okay? Im sick of people looking at me and saying hey he was the guy in jail. So please don't you start too"

The teacher looked away, " I never said I was judging you. I just wanted to know if it was true or not"

I sighed and walked out of the door where Luke and Seb were waiting for me. " what was that all about?"

" he wanted to know if I was the one who went to jail"

" god he is retarded. But oh well, I think its cool you went to jail"

I gave him a weird look as we walked to our lockers. I got stares as I walked down the hallway and people hid. What the hell? Why were they scared of me? I didn't kill anybody. But then again, everyone believed I did. I turned the corner and saw a poster up with my face on it. It had a cross over it and in bold capitals it said

**GIRL MURDERER!**

I sighed and walked down the hallway. Something hit the back of my head and I instinctively put my hand up to see what it was. My hand came away covered in… nutella?

Two pieces of bread fell onto the floor. Someone had thrown a sandwich at me. I spun around and saw a guy two years younger than me move and hide behind his friends. I walked over to him, picking up the bread in my hands and I watched him cower in the corner. " please don't hurt me. I want to live!" he screamed out.

I rolled my eyes and shoved the bread into his face as he scowled and his friends laughed. I walked away pulling at my hair to get the sticky brown crap out of it. I found the rest of my group and we walked to the oval where we would walk across and go home. I always went this way and we always had a ball to pass around to serve the time. Since we all played football.

I heard shouts behind me and turned to come into contact with a fist. It hit my nose and I fell back onto the grass. I heard Luke and Seb start to shout and then Jordan joined in. Mag helped me up and I joined in. I looked to see who had hit me. Simon.

Seriously, he had no intention of giving up. I walked towards him as he shouted,

" I don't know how you got out Lightwood but you are getting whats coming for you! What did you do to her?"

I jumped forward and shoved him as he stumbled. " you did kill her didn't you! Just tell me and get it over with!"

I punched him as hard as I could and it hit his jaw. He fell and staggered back up again, but I was the stronger one and shoved him back down and pinned his shoulders into the ground, " Fuck up! You're the one that killed her you dick! She called me crying and choking and told me what you did with Maia and Aline. I have never heard her cry that hard before! You are so clueless its amazing! I ran down her street and then I heard a scream. Her neighbours came out of their houses to see what happened and as I ran into her room. She was laying there in her blood! She slit her wrists and killed herself because she couldn't take it anymore. So you can fuck up and pull down all those fucking posters and stop giving me shit about it because now you know what happened and why its your fault!" I yelled in his face.

I let go of his shoulders and got up. Then I felt hands on my shoulders turning me around. He never learnt anything did he? Idiot.

" I don't believe your shit!" simon yelled as he brought his fist up and it hit my face. I groaned as I spat blood onto the grass and then he hit me again. In the stomach. I doubled over, winded and then Jordan stepped forward and punched Simon in the face. I heard him stagger and fall down beside me as I got up, not wanting to be anywhere near him. He got up too and lashed out again with the same knife that he used to stab me.

I grabbed his hand and squeezed his wrist as he dropped the knife and Seb picked it up and threw it away. Simon grabbed his other hand and tried to punch me but I stopped it and squeezed that one too. " Jace! Stop!" Magnus yelled from behind me. He was the rational one in our group and also the softie.

I threw Simon's hands as he grabbed them and held them. I groaned as I lifted my shirt a bit to see what had happened. One of the stitches had popped out and a little trickle of blood was dribbling down my hip. Stuff it I thought. I turned around and walked behind Jordan and Seb. Mag and Luke were either side of me helping me. Even though I didn't need it. Then I heard a grunt behind me and turned around to see Simon laughing and cursing. Then shouts for me to move but I was too late as I felt a sharp and numbing pain on my head. I lifted my hand and touched it, it stung so I pulled it away. It came back red as I felt a lurching feeling in my gut. I bent over facing away from Simon and my friends and emptied my lunch into the grass. I heard Simon laugh, " you think you can lie to me? She wouldn't of done that. She was too pussy!"

I coughed and spat onto the grass and walked forward, " you are a pathetic little shit Lewis! Why do you think I didn't go to school all week? Why do you think ive been so angry at you lately? If you don't believe me go to the police or her parents or mine and ask them if its true and then you will come to me and say I believe you!"

I collapsed onto the ground as Simon smirked and walked away. I brought my hand up to my head and touched it again. More blood than last time. I groaned as I got up again and my arms were swung around the shoulder of Sebastian and Jordan. The two biggest guys in our group. They were taking me to the school nurse. Every couple of minutes I stopped to vomit. I was walked through the doors and teachers came out to help. They walked me into the nurses office and she got things ready. They sat me down in a chair and asked me questions, " do you feel dizzy at all?"

I shook my head, "do you remember who hit you?"

" simon Lewis"

" who are you?"

" jace lightwood" I said slowly and slurred.

Then a woman, a man, and three kids walked into the room followed by a guy who looked around my age with tatooes, piercing and coloured hair and a guy who looked gruff and had brown hair and blue eyes.

The woman stepped forward and put her hands on my cheeks, " oh Jace! Im so sorry. I should never have let you come to school today"

I jerked away and her hands dropped beside her. The nurse looked at me, " do you know who these people are Jace?"

"im not messed up in the head lady! I know who they are! Now Im going home and your not stopping me" I got up and got shocked stares from everyone. My head still throbbed as I walked out of the office and down the hallway to the carpark where I found the car and climbed in the backseat. Five minutes later everyone got back in.

When the car stopped I got out and walked to my bedroom and slammed the door. I heard muffled voices and then crying. I climbed into bed and closed my eyes. All I wanted to do now was sleep. So I did and I had a dream.

_I was in the bathroom, the door was locked and I had a note in my hands. It said I was sorry but I was sick of everything and wanted to die so I did. I put more water into the bathtub. I held a picture of Clary in my other hand and clutched it tightly. I plugged in the hair drier and turned it on. Yells and shouts came from the other side of the door. Then shouts. Then heavy pounding and the door fell off one of the hinges. I turned off the taps and then got into the tub. The water soaking through my clothes. I grabbed the razor off the shelf and held it to my wrist. It pressed into the skin as the door fell of the second hinge. It burst open and screams sounded. _

_I pushed the blade into my skin and blood bubbled out of it staining the water red. _

_Then I heard dad yelling at me, " Jace! Wake up!"_

I coughed and gasped as I woke up. My shoulders were being shaken and I looked to see dad looking at me, " get off me! Leave me alone" I said angrily.

Dad looked taken aback and let go. " jace are you alright?"

" im fine, now go away"

" are you sure?"

" I said I was fine!" I yelled.

Dad got up and walked out of the room. I sighed and as I walked past the bathroom I caught sight of the razor blade hanging off the wall. I felt an urge to do the thing in my dream. I walked into the room and picked up the blade…..

_**Hope you enjoyed it! Anyway please review! If I get two reviews ill update sunday**_


	6. Chapter 6

_**Thankyou for the reviews everyone! Keep it up**_

_**This is a bit sad so heads up!**_

I walked into the bathroom, keeping my eyes on the blade like I was possessed. It was like the me from my dream before was possessing my reality and forcing me to do this. I picked it up and held It in my hands. I took the blade out of the razor and stared at it, then my wrist, blade, wrist, blade. I took a deep breath as I thought of everything that had happened and how miserable I was right now. Before I put it to my wrist I caught sight of myself in the mirror and saw for the first time the dark circles under my eyes. My abs were slowly disappearing. My muscles going down. I cursed under my breath.

I tore my gaze away from the mirror and lowered the blade to my wrist. I felt the cool metal until I heard a scream come from the door. I whipped my gaze to the door where Izzy stood, screaming for dad or mum. She rushed inside the room and tore the blade out of my hands. Dad sprinted in and tackled me to the floor. My head hit the tiles with a thud and my arms flopped down beside me. I groaned and pushed my head to the side then back up at Dad.

" what the fuck? Get the hell off me!" I shouted at him.

" were you just about to… do that?"

I looked away from him not wanting to admit that I had been prepared to do it " fuck off and get off me!" I yelled.

Dad got off me and I jumped up and stormed back to my room. I slammed the door and got dressed and packed my bag. I walked out the door and went to school. But then a car pulled up beside me and drove slowly, matching my paces. The window rolled down, and It was HIM.

" Jace, can you come with me to Clary's?"

" why the hell would I want to go with you anywhere?" I said not looking at him.

" please. I need to know. Mum knows something but isn't telling me and so does Becky. Please, just come with me there?"

" whatever"

Simon stopped his car and unlocked the door. I climbed in and the small car smelt like hamburger and fries. We drove down love grove and memories flooded me like a tsunami. Running down the street, phone in hand, the bloodcurdling scream, the lights of houses turning on and neighbours wanting answers, her body lying on the floor as I cradled her in my arms, her blood staining my jeans. I gasped and sat up straight, shifting in my seat. I felt Simons eyes on me but I ignored them.

Simon pulled up outside the two story house and I couldn't not help but feel my world shattering down more and more as I looked at the house. On the front lawn beside the mail box stood a moving sign.

It had no sign of being sold but the moving part was imprinted in my brain. I jumped out of the car and jogged to the front door. Simon followed. I pressed the doorbell and it sounded through the house. I heard shuffling and then a gasp and muttering. Then the door opened slightly. I could see red hair, " Jocelyn, its Jace" I said trying my hardest to not sound upset.

The door opened further and opened fully. Jocelyn stood there, her red hair in a side pony tail and her green eyes dull and dark circles under her eyes. She wore her art smock that was covered in fresh paint. " Jace" she whispered and I saw a tear slide down her cheek as she reached forward and grabbed my shoulders and hugged me. I hugged her back but then she jerked away and dashed back into her house with a disgusted gasp. My foot caught in the door and I stood in the doorway. She looked past me at Simon, who stood there looking upset.

" you" Jocelyn said.

Simon looked dumbfounded and I had waited forever to see this look on his face. " you don't know do you?" Jocelyn whispered.

" I told him but he didn't believe me" I told her.

She looked at me with miserable eyes and then to Simon, " what Jace told you is true. You killed my only child, it was your fault. I can never forgive you"

Simon spoke, his voice shaky. " show me. Show me the proof that she did it"

Jocelyn opened the door further and beckoned for the two of us to come inside. I passed her into the kitchen. There was a knife missing from the knife block and I figured she had thrown it out in the bin or something. She closed the door and we followed her up the stairs, the closer we got to her room, the more I felt like backing out and never coming back. As we rounded the corner I felt like I couldn't breathe. All the memories and feelings of that day clouded me and hid me from reality.

I fell against the doorframe and Jocelyn put her hand on my shoulder and looked up at me with glistening eyes. Jocelyn then walked into the room, Simon and I followed and there was still blood spots on the carpet. " we have been trying to clean it but it stained the carpet"

I heard Simon's breath catch in his throat as he realized that I had been telling the truth. I looked at him and saw his eyes glistening behind his glasses. He looked at me, " I need more proof"

" for god sake Simon! Its right there in front of you!" I yelled at him.

Simon looked away and his eyes followed Jocelyn as she walked into the room and took a folded piece of paper from on the bedside table and handed it to me. " what's this?" I asked her, but she shook her head and pushed us back towards the front door. " don't read it yet. Wait a bit" she said through the pleading and secretive eyes.

" don't let HIM read it, please" she said before I left.

I heard the door lock behind me and Simon drove us to school in silence.

o.0.o

It was the last period and I was getting restless, the note burning through my mind and begging to be read. I didn't want to read it until I was alone though. I looked up at the clock and the big hand was just about to move to 12. Nerves filled through my guts as the bell sounded for home. I jumped out of my seat and dashed out of the door, getting looks from everyone around me. I ignored them and ran across the oval to where mum was waiting in the car with Alec and Izzy. I jumped in and she drove home. I jumped out when the car pulled to a stop and everyone looked at me still. I burst through the door and locked myself in my room and stood next to my bed. I opened the note and read it carefully,

To Jacey!

Im so sorry if you think im selfish and self centered now but if your mad at me for doing this at least you don't have to see me anymore to be disappointed or angry. But in this note I am confessing something huge. I have never told anyone this before, not even you because I wasn't sure how you'd react. You could be relieved, angry, sad or anything but just know that I will always be by your side, watching over you like your own personal guardian angel. I didn't want to say this to you or ask you about it because I was scared that it would ruin our special friendship and the good times we had together. I don't know if you feel the same way but I LOVE YOU! I don't mean as a best friend like I used to say when we were little I mean as an actual love feeling. I have loved you more than a best friend since we were five.

I went out with all those guys because I was trying to forget about my feelings for you because if I made it obvious you wouldn't like me anymore and everything we had would be ruined. I went out with Simon because he seemed like a nice guy, he was a player but he had been nice to me and he seemed like a good distraction from my emotions. But I was wrong and I know that now. When I do it tonight and if you come for me like I know you will I will tell you how I feel. But you probably wont take it like that. Simon was a dick to me all those months I just thought it was normal. But im stupid for thinking that because it wasn't normal. He pressured me into things like sex and he took my innocence away from me and he didn't help me like a real boyfriend through the pain that I felt afterwards. He shrugged it off like it was nothing so I was angry at him. I am slitting my wrists with the kitchen knife because I love you more than you'll ever know, Simon cheated on me with Maia and Aline, I let him take away my innocence, I was stupid for thinking that he was the one!

All these years we've known each other I kept waiting for you to make the first move, tell me if you felt that way, or something. Kiss me. I wanted to know what your lips felt like, how your body would feel against me as we kissed. But you never did and I got impatient. I don't know if you feel the same way about me Jacey but if you do and ive done this I am so sorry and regret everything but if you don't then it was worth it. I love you Jacey!

So goodbye forever, I wont be there anymore to listen to your voice or how you are. I wont be there anymore so this is me saying goodbye forever. I love you

Love Clary xoxo

I dropped the note and collapsed onto my bed. I put my head in my hands and everything that had been building up for days finally came out. I cried. I was so stupid! I knew It was my fault. It was all my fault. She had loved me back for all these years and had waited for me to make the move but I hadn't because I was too stupid to see what was right in front of me! She had confessed it in her last moments but I didn't even think she could be meaning it in a more serious way.

When I was holding her as she died, she had said that she loved me but I took it the wrong way and thought she meant it like she always did. We were best friends. We were best friends who loved each other but never said anything.

I had been sitting on my bed crying for 4 hours straight. I knew it wasn't manly to be crying like this but I didn't care right now. Everything went to shit for me the moment she died. I sat up and looked at myself in the mirror and saw my eyes were red and puffy. I rubbed them dry and then a sense of anger overwhelmed me. I picked up my bedside table, dragging the items on it onto the floor and threw it. The draw fell out of it onto the floor. I had a wooden house that I had made in ITD sitting on my desk. I grabbed the baseball bat that I had in the corner and started smashing it into pieces. It fell apart instantly at impact and people knocked on the door. Well, pounded on the door. Shouts sounded through the door but I shouted back, " leave me alone! don't come in here!"

I kept smashing stuff and breaking things. I turned towards the door as Alec's voice rang out from the other side, " Jace, open the door and we can talk it out!"

" I'm friggin done talking! Stand the hell back!" I shouted.

" come on, please, just open it talk to me like we used to"

I brought my fist back and pegged it at the door, my fist went right through the door and out the other side. I heard screams and then I brought my fist back. " STAY AWAY FROM ME!" I shouted.

I threw my glass snow globe at the wall, the water in it poured everywhere as it smashed. I looked at the glass, staring it like I was hypnotized or crazy. I bent down and picked up the biggest shard and held it to my arm. Above my elbow and pressed it into the skin with a big sting and a burning sensation. I yelled in pain as I slowly stabbed my arm and then dad burst in the door and I quickly slid the shard down my arm and shouted in pain as I was tackled to the floor once again for the second time that day. didn't they understand that I wanted to die? couldn't they just let me end my own suffering? They were being selfish to me. I dropped the glass shard as Dad hit my hand. It fell beside my face and a tear slid down dad's cheek and splashed onto my cheek. It was the first time I had seen him cry. " Get off me! For fuck sake! Get the hell off me so I can end everything!""Jace, you're my son. Maybe not by blood but you certainly mean more to us than a blood tie. I know you want to end your suffering but everybody in this house would miss you so much it hurts. Where did this come from? You were fine before and now you just start smashing everything in your room and cut yourself so badly?"" its not bad, it felt good!" I yelled in his face," jace, you cut your whole arm. Look at it!"

I ripped my arm from his grip and stared at it. He was right. I had cut my whole arm and blood was trickling out the sides and spilling down my arm. From my elbow to the tip of my wrist was cut. It wasn't as deep as I had thought it would be. Then mum stood in the doorway and threw dad a wet rag and stood back crying so hard she coughed on them. Alec walked in and picked up the note from the floor. I tore my gaze from what dad was about to do with my arm and stared at him. " leave that here! don't you fucking read it!" I yelled.

Alec flinched but walked faster toward the door. " Alec! Fucking give the fucking thing here right now before I chase you down and!- ahhh fucking helll!"

I shouted as the wet rag was pressed tightly around my arm, the water squeezing into my cut and stinging and throbbing. I tried jerking my arm away from dad but nothing worked. I struggled until he got off me and I jumped up and tore the rag away from my arm, " Stay the fuck away from me!" I yelled.

Dad looked upset and walked out of the room, closing the door. My arm stung horribly and throbbed. I looked at it. The skin around the cut was red from the stinging, it was a thin cut but deep. It hurt like hell.

I felt so incredibly lonely and miserable right now. I seriously felt like killing myself without a way of being interrupted by dad or Izzy. I thought for a moment on how I could do it, I could say I was taking a bath and put the hair drier in it and electrocute myself, I could pretend I was showering put overdoes on pills, I could jump off the city bridge, drown myself . Then an idea flipped in my mind. I knew what I was gonna do.

I looked at the time. It was 7 at night so it would be coming in five minutes. I jumped out of my bed, holding my arm and walked out of my room. I passed the living room and questions came. Dad spoke, " jace?"

I ignored him but then he got up followed by Alec, " Jace what are you doing?"

I ignored him again. Then he grabbed my arm, big mistake. I turned around and shoved him so hard he went flying and hit the couch and flipped over it. Mum screamed and went to help her husband up. I stared blankly ahead of me and continued walking to the door. I opened it and Alec spoke from behind me, " what are you doing?"

" never you mind" I said half shouting as I walked out into the evening air. The sky was getting darker. My neighbours said hello to me as I walked past but I ignored them. I wanted and needed to lose Alec if this was going to work. So I started running down the street as I heard a distant whistle.

" JACE! NO! PLEASE JUST STOP IT!" Alec shouted. Damn he knew my plan.

I continued running, ignoring Alec's shouts and pleas for me to stop. I saw what I was looking for. The metal tracks and the gate that said stop for cars. I wasn't a car so it didn't apply to me. I ran onto the tracks as I saw the train coming around the corner. It chugged along the tracks fast. The whistle kept blowing and I prepared for Impact…

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_**TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK SHOULD HAPPEN AND WHAT YOU THOUGHT BOUT THIS CHAPTER. **_


	7. Chapter 7

_**Hi and thanks for the reviews! Please review again because I need some happy in my life right now and you can make me feel better**_

RECAP = It chugged along the tracks fast. The whistle kept blowing and I prepared for Impact…

I saw the train coming around the corner. Judging the distance and how fast it was coming, id say I would have 10 seconds before it hit me. I heard Alec's shouts and I looked to see him running as fast as he could. He would be here faster than the train. 10, 9, 8, 7, 6 and Alec was jumping over the rail and shouting. I heard Mum scream loudly and people rushed out of their houses and looked and screamed with her. 5, 4, 3, I could feel the tracks vibrating underneath my bare feet. I closed my eyes and 2, and then a force pushed me. But it wasn't strong enough to be the train.

I opened my eyes and saw the train so close by yet so faraway as I felt the gushing wind as it passed. My back hit the ground on the other side of the tracks. Dust flew up around me and I looked up and saw Alec's face. " what the hell is wrong with you Jace?" he yelled

I pushed him off a bit more forcefully than I hoped for. He rolled onto the dusty ground and I groaned as I got up. " Jace! Stop! Talk to me. Whats wrong?"

I ignored him and kept walking towards home. I jumped over the rail and looked up at the sign that said clear. The shining pole beneath it then I felt a hand on my shoulder, " Jace! Listen to me what happened?"

I spun around sharply and took him by his jacket and shoved him up against the pole. He hit it with a groan as I held him there. I stared up at him angrily. But I felt a piece of me shatter when I looked at his face. His eyes were wide, he looked scared and confused. I looked down and saw I had lifted him off the ground. His toes were only barely touching the ground, his hands were trying to pry my fingers away from his. It was like a switch was flicked inside of my brain. I was breathing heavily and I felt hot tears prick the back of my eyes.

I put Alec down on the ground and Mum came over and wrapped her arms around me but I was still staring at Alec. I felt horrible now more than ever. I had never seen that look in his eyes before. He was scared. Scared of me. His own brother. I looked at Alec shocked, my shoulders heaving up and down with my chest. I was panting and Alec was looking at me confused and hurt. I took a step back but mum held on. I grabbed her arms and took them off me as I took another step back. Then Alec spoke, " Jace, its okay. Im not afraid of you"

I looked at him softly, my eyes still hot and probably now glistening, " im sorry" I whispered.

His face softened and so did Mum's. I looked around me and decided to go home. " Jace? What are you doing now?" Alec asked.

I looked at him again, into his bright blue eyes and shook my head and turned around and started jogging towards home. I heard my name called from behind me but I ignored it.

o.0.o

**Alec POV**

He just spoke to me. Actually spoke, like a normal person. For once he didn't shout or yell. It was his normal voice that I had missed hearing everyday. I remember when we used to chat about everything all the time. Then I remembered our most important chat ever.

**Flashback!**

_It had been on my mind a lot lately. My sexuality. I knew I was gay, I just didn't want to admit it and make everyone angry or disappointed at me. I walked into Jace's room. I knew I was probably taking a big risk telling him this, but he would be the first to know._

_As usual he was on the phone with Clary. I envied how she made his face light up like that but hey she was pretty cool. She was so fun to be around. Jace looked up at me and he put the phone away from his ear, " yeah?"_

_I cleared my voice, " we need to talk"_

_Jace spoke on the phone again ' yeah hey ill call you later, brotherly chat time now' ' yeah we are the best of friends but call you later?' ' bye'_

_He hung up the phone and I closed the door behind me and sat on his bed with my legs crossed. He turned around on his chair and sat facing me, " so whats up?"_

" _umm Jace, well.. I…um… I think im.. I mean I know im… .im"_

" _its okay, I know what your going to say"_

_I looked up at him immediately and sat upright, " you do? How do you know?"_

" _you came in here to tell me your gay right? I knew because when I went to get a drink before and you were sleeping you said it in your sleep, it was kinda funny actually"_

" _did anyone else hear me? I bet your disappointed or mad at me now"_

" _I was the only one anywhere near you but why would you think I'd be mad? I love you bro and whatever happens to you ill stick with you like glue. Im not mad at you because you like guys Alec"_

" _really?" I said smiling._

" _yeah, I already have a gay friend so maybe I can set you up or something"_

" _umm who is it?"I asked him suspiciously_

" _Mag! Everyone knows it dude. The way he colours his hair and stuff. Its kinda obvious":_

" _umm no thanks, ill think it about it"_

_Jace laughed and smiled, " you guys would be good"_

_It was my turn to laugh. _

**Flashback ended!**

I remembered like it was yesterday. I could remember his smile too, I hadn't seen it in a long time. I still hadn't read that note but I made a mental note to do it when I got home. I had hit it in the vegetable casket where he would never dare to look. He never ate his veggies.

I looked to mum who was balling her eyes out. " its okay mum"

She looked at me, " no its not Alec. I almost lost my two boys to a train. You were so close to being hit"

" mum Jace and I are fine now. Did you see him, he was upset and went back home?"

" I did Alec but what if he tries something like this again. Maybe you wont be so lucky next time. Im terrified that im gonna wake up and he'll be gone. Promise me it wont happen"

" I promise mum. don't worry" she put a hand in my hair and hugged me.

o.0.o

**Jace POV**

I couldn't believe I did that to him. My brother. My best buddy, I had made him look so terrified. His face was like someone from a horror movie just before they got stabbed or shot. And it was all because of me. My fault. Once again I had hurt someone I loved. What the hell was wrong with me? Everything that had happened was all my fault. All of it. That had to be the second worst thing ive ever done. The first being too pussy to ask Clary out and now this.

I walked inside the door and found dad sitting on the couch beside Izzy. I walked in and stood in front of the tv, blocking their view. Dad looked at me sadly. But I spoke first, " dad can we talk?"

He nodded slowly and got up. We went to my room and he closed the door. I sat on my chair and he sat on my bed, he didn't look at me or speak so I spoke first, " dad, before when I shoved you, I was angry and upset at myself. I didn't mean to do it but I feel awful about it now. You were just trying to help and I didn't want it then but I need it now. I need my dad to talk help me. Im really sorry for everything ive done. Do you forgive me?" I asked him.

He looked at me and for a second I thought he was going to get up and kiss me. Eww no that would be weird. " Jace, its okay. It just scared me you know. Im so used to you being happy and laughing and smiling all the time not this gloomy, angry person sitting in front of me. I understand why you did it but I just want to know what made you do that?"

I ran a hand through my hair and sighed, " this morning I was walking to school and _he _pulled up beside me in his truck and asked if I would go with him to get proof that Clary did it. We went to her house and Jocelyn showed us her room and I just wanted to see his face when he found out she had done it because of him. He is probably still taking it all in now. But when we were leaving she handed me a note that clary had written. It was to me and I didn't want to read it until I was alone so I came home and read it and what was in that letter crushed me. that's why I was angry. It was at myself"

Dad shifted his legs and looked at me again, " where is this note?"

" I don't know Alec hid it somewhere when you were on me"

" oh, how is that…. Cut?"

I straightened out my arm and looked at it. It was still red and kind of bleeding but not a lot. It still stung and throbbed from all the dust and water that had gotten into it. Dad got up and took my arm in his hands, " you have to wash that before it gets infected" he said as he went out of the room.

I sighed and moved onto my bed. I decided to go to sleep. Maybe they wouldn't wake me up for dinner. I wouldn't eat it anyway. My eyes closed as I laid my arm out beside me.

_I slid Alec further up the pole. He grunted as he squirmed away from me as he looked into my eyes. His feet no longer touching the ground, he kicked at my shins but I didn't care as I yelled at him " You wanna know what happened? Go and read the note and put the pieces together!"_

" _jace, just tell me please, we used to tell each other everything and now your just closing the door" he said through gritted teeth as I held his throat tightly in my hands._

" _I don't want to talk to you or anyone. Im done and I want to let go of everything because its killing me" I told him through glistening eyes._

" _just because she killed herself doesn't mean that you have to make yourself suffer and everyone else around you. You weren't man enough to tell her the truth and nobody can help that but who cares anymore? Its over and you need to get over it" alec said to me_

_I felt every bone in my body start to vibrate and before I knew it I had dropped Alec on the ground again and brought my fist up to his face. He staggered back holding his jaw. He looked at me in shock while I stared at him angrily. Like a bear stares down its prey. Then Alec spat on the ground and it was blood. He wiped his mouth, " what the hell Jace?" he yelled_

" _you want to know why its that bit harder?" I whispered in a tone id never used before. Alec just stared at me with a frown. _

" _all these years that ive loved her and kept it all down because she would never see me like that, in that note she told me that she had loved me back and she had waited forever for me to tell her that or make a move but I never did because I was too shy to say and now shes gone. Im mad at myself so that's whats wrong with me Alec!"_

_Alec took a step toward me but I broke away and ran down the street. A car horn blasted but I dashed out onto the road and felt my legs give way underneath me and my body was lifted up into the air as I hit a glass sheild and then the road again with a thud and shatter. I heard screeching brakes and screams as I coughed and vomited blood like a loonatic_

I woke up with a start and sat upright on my bed. The door was open a crack and then a flash of black hair disappeared. Then it opened fully and in came Izzy, Alec, Max, Mum and dad. An orange glow surrounded them as they carried a small cake and candles. I looked at them confused.

" did you forget your own birthday?" mum asked me

I sighed and nodded. They gave me the cake and I blew out the candles and made a wish.

" what'd you wish for?" mum asked

I looked up at her with sad eyes, " that everythings that happened over these two weeks is only my imagination"

Mum smiled and rubbed my shoulder. " why are you all dressed up?" I asked her.

" because we are going out to dinner" she said weakly

" where?" I asked

" Veselkas dear. All your friends are coming" she smiled behind her black curled hair.

" like who?"

" Sebastian, Magnus, Luke and Jordan" she was smiling still.

I really didn't want to go out tonight but I needed to make up for everything id done today. I slowly got out of bed and walked past them to my cupboard. I got dressed in my jeans and almost see through white v-necked shirt and my shoes. I ran a hand through my hair and splashed water on my face. A car horn beeped outside so I quickly hurried outside locking the door behind me.

o.0.o

We got to Veselkas and everyone was waiting outside near the door. I got out and was encircled in the group of guys. Giving me man hugs and then we went inside. There were only two other tables, one with a couple making out very passionately and I didn't get a look at the other table as I was pushed and pulled into a booth. I sat in the corner and rested my head against the wall.

A female waitress stood at the table. Her eyes searching my body and the usual look of awe I got from any other girl that I ran into. She smiled a wide grin,

" hello, Im Helen and I will be your waitress for this evening is there anything you would like to start off?"

She glanced at me but I shrugged it off as mum ordered. Coke for everyone and a beer for dad. I really felt like one but I wasn't a miserable drinker who drunk away their pain so I ignored the craving. Soon our food came and we ate in silence, well except for mum and the guys talking.

I excused myself from the table and pushed past Alec and Magnus and walked towards the bathroom. I took care of my bladder and walked out only to come face to face with Simon Lewis…

_**PLEASE READ!: **_

_**Okay so miki and mel know my mum is the biggest bitch in the world and my computer is full of viruses and we cant get rid of them so im doing this on my little sisters laptop**__**J**__** and I have been banned from everything until I can get rid of the viruses ( I suck with technology) and the only time now I can update is for half an hour in the morning before she wakes up and when she goes to work. So can you please not give up on this story? It would mean a lot to me because I love this story but I will try and find time to write my chapters and update them.**_

_**SORRY!**_


	8. Chapter 8

**Hellooo! Simon is investigating Jace. He still thinks that he had something to do with Clary because he refuses to believe that he caused the death of someone. He is one of those people that has to blame stuff on someone:/**

Simon looked at me angrily and I returned the look. Our chests were heaving, my breathing heavy. The waitress came over, " excuse me gentlemen but if something's happening here take it outside"

Then Simon spoke in a barely audible whisper, " she loved you back. She used me and your going to pay"

He snarled and I growled as I spoke, " does it look like she used you? If she used you she wouldn't have killed herself!"

Nobody could hear us or see us except the waitress. We were in the hallway outside the kitchen. Simon spoke again, " did you know she was pregnant? It was my child"

My brain snapped and my arms flung forward and shoved Simon's chest. He fell back into a table and flipped over it knocking the table and its contents onto the floor. People gasped and as I walked out of the hallway my family and friends gasped louder. I ignored them and stalked silently to Simon who crawled away from me on the ground. My table was seated only a metre away and I grabbed a piece of fruit from Jordan's plate and hurled it at Simon. It exploded on his forehead and he growled at me but I picked him up by the collar of his jacket and threw him outside.

His family yelled his name and rushed outside and joined mine on the sidewalk. Simon finally found his footing and stood up, thrust his chin at me and straightened his jacket. Then he punched me in my eye. I grunted as my face thrust to the left. I heard everyone gasp and then Magnus stepped in front of me. His black and other coloured gelled up hair was all I could look at as he growled at Simon, " get lost Lewis. Im glad Clary never actually loved you! You are such a pathetic little wuss with a tiny you know what!"

I heard the guys laugh and cheer behind me. Simon just got more and more angry. He brought his fist back and Mag just stood there. But then I saw a figure fall on the ground with a groan and mum yelled Alec's name. Alec?

I looked and saw Magnus crouched on the ground attending to Alec. My bones vibrated and my brotherly bond to Alec screamed and reacted. All hell broke loose as I dashed forward and punched Simon in the face. He fell to the ground as I kicked him and winded him as he lay in the gutter writhing and gasping for air. His mum and sister ran to him and then they all piled into their car and drove off. I turned my attention to the lump on the sidewalk. Alec. My brother. He looked up at me and I saw his face. Below his eye was a big cut, his eye already starting to bruise. We would have matching black eyes.

Magnus helped Alec up onto his feet and Alecs striking blue eyes locked on my golden ones. He smiled, " why did you do that?"

I looked at him, " nobody gets away with hitting my brother"

He smiled further and Magnus hugged him tightly and Alec gasped, " why did you jump in front of me? I had him"

Alec stared at Magnus like the answer was plainly obvious, " ill tell you later Mag"

Magnus smiled and I could just see them together. They wanted to be together. Clary and I used to always saw they would make a good gay couple. They already acted like they were together. It was funny but it wasn't enough to bring a smile back to my lips.

o.0.o

Back at the house, I was throwing a singlet over my head when my door opened. It was late at night and everyone was getting ready for bed. I looked and saw it was Alec. " hey" he said.

" hi" I said not looking at him.

He sat on my bed and looked at his feet. He wanted to talk about something. I sighed and walked over to my chair.

" I told Magnus" he said slowly

I frowned at him. " told Mag what?"

Alec looked at me sourly and I immediately knew what it was, " oh, ohh! Well?"

Alec looked at me again but kinder this time with a smile on his face, " we are going out on Saturday night"

I got up and patted his shoulder, " good job! Did he mention anything about your act of bravery tonight? I was pretty shocked, you would never do anything like that"

" I know, its just when I saw Simon about to hit Magnus it was like a switch flipped in my head and I wanted to stop it. Like nothing else mattered. Make fun of me all you want. I know you want to" he said taking a deep breath.

I acted hurt, " Im not making fun of you and I don't want to. I think its great. Im glad that you have someone in your life that you love"

Alec sighed and got up. " you should try something to get your mind off it. Besides trying to hurt yourself"

" I don't know what to do Alec. When I go to sleep, she's there. When I wake up she's there. She has never left my mind and I don't know how to let go. Its really hard especially now since I got that note"

" I read it. And…. Im sorry"

I nodded and looked away. But then Alec just about jumped out of his pants, " I got an idea! How about I take you to a meditation class?"

I frowned and shook my head.

" come awwwnn! Its supposed to be really relaxing"

" im not sitting cross legged on a mat repeating one word over and over again. How about we just forget about trying to help me because nothing is going to work"

" oh Jace don't say that. All you need is time"

" I don't have time on my side anymore. It hates me obviously"

Alec was silent and then mum told him to come out for a minute. He looked at me and sighed as he walked out. I heard him walk out and then, " HOLY CRAP!"

I jumped up and walked outside where I had heard Alec and saw Magnus standing at the door. His hair now had bright yellow and pink streaks in it. It was all gelled up and spiked. He wore his gothic looking boots and pants with a dark grey singlet.

When Magnus saw me, he nodded in my direction. I returned the nod and continued to watch as Magnus pulled a piece of paper out his pocket. It had digits on it and an xoxo at the bottom. Magnus looked at me with a look that asked _is this alright?_

I gave him the thumbs up as Alec took the piece of paper from Magnus's shaking hands and looked from the paper to Magnus. "ring me and we'll talk" he said so calmly it made Izzy laugh.

Everyone looked at her and begged her to be quiet. I continued to watch as Alec's cheeks turned bright red and he flicked the piece of paper in his hands.

" what am I supposed to talk about?"

Magnus shrugged, " whatever you want. But now I gotta run so I will talk to you later" mag winked and Alec's already red cheeks reddened more as Magnus closed the front door and walked away.

Alec turned around, not daring to look at anyone in the room. He looked at me and I walked towards him and draped an arm around his shoulder and pushed him towards my room and closed the door.

" what am I supposed to do now Jace? Everyone's suspicious now"

" just tell them, it's the only way now"

" im not sure I can. You heard them talking crap about Gay people at dinners. What will they think of me when they find out?"

" they will be happy for you. You are a gay 16 year old guy and you now are close to having a boyfriend who is one of my friends"

" I know, but what do I say?"

" just go out there and tell them"

Alec looked away from me and to the ground. " will you do it? Im too scared"

" sure, but you'll have to face them sooner or later"

Alec nodded as he tucked the paper into his pocket and followed me out of the door into the lounge room.

Everyone looked at me with smiles on their faces.

" okay everyone, me and Alec have big news that he cant say so im doing It for him. don't judge him or ill beat the crap out of you guys"

Mum frowned and so did dad but Izzy and Max laughed.

" everyone, Alec is gay and Magnus is hoping to be his boyfriend"

Everyone gasped, including Alec. But I don't know why he gasped, this information wasn't new to him. Then Alec ran out of the room, back to mine. I followed him, but stopped when I heard Izzy and Max start to talk.

" he sounds happier now mum" Izzy said.

" yeah mum, he almost smiled before, when that colourful guy showed up" Max said.

Mum and dad laughed and then mum spoke, " yeah, looks like those pills are working"

What the hell? What pills?

_**REVIEW! REVIEW! REVIEW!**_

_**His mum is sneaky….. What should Jace do next? **_

_**Please give me some ideas or suggestions for the next chapter. Ill love you forever…..**_


	9. Chapter 9

_**Thankyou for all the reviews! Please keep It up!**_

I ran it over in my head a couple of seconds. My mum, had snuck anti- depressants in my drink. that's why I felt more myself.

Before I knew it, I had moved into the lounge room, standing in front of mum, Izzy and Max.

" you snuck medication into my drink. Why would you do that to me?" I said my voice in a whisper.

Mum stood up, I could see the tears forming in her eyes. " I didn't know what else to do Jace-"

She raised her arms too me to hug me but I pushed them away and stepped back. I could see the hurt in her eyes, " you could of asked me first, instead of going behind my back!"

She cried now, the huge tears spilling out from her blue eyes and streaming down her cheeks, " im sorry Jace. I just wanted my son back"

She tried again to hug me but I stood back, " im not your son. I never was"

She choked on her tears and put her hand to her mouth. I walked out of the room, leaving Izzy to comfort her, and back to my room. Alec was standing in the door way.

" What was that about?"

I shook my head, "nothing"

I grabbed my black leather jacket from the back of my chair and put it on and walked out. Alec stood in the hallway, " where are you going?"

" to Magnus' house. don't expect me back tomorrow"

I left him looking stunned as I walked out the door. It was late at night and I imagined Magnus might be sleeping. I walked down the street and found his house.

o.0.o

" thanks again Mag. For letting me stay the night", I told him as he handed me an extra blanket and a mug of hot chocolate. I loved his hot chocolate, there was something about it that made it taste better than every other hot chocolate.

I took the mug and blanket as I sat on the little couch in the spare bedroom.

" no problemo Jace. Your always welcome here. But are you ever going to tell me why you're here?" he raised his eyebrows at me and gave me that serious look he gave everyone when he wanted information. It scared you into giving him what he wanted.

" mum's being giving me pills behind my back. I heard her talking about it with Izzy and Max" I said quietly.

Magnus was silent. Processing the news I had told him, " I did notice you seemed a bit happier. Until Simon came up of course, but I just thought you'd found a way to deal with it"

I nodded and stayed quiet. Then Mag broke the silence, " that still doesn't explain why you're here"

I sighed and swallowed hard, " well when I confronted her about it, she started crying and said she wanted her son back and I sorta told her I was never her son and then I walked out. I didn't want to see her face"

" she may be your adoptive mother but she still loves you as her blood son. Just think about it, she was the one who taught you how to tie your shoe laces, she brought you to school everyday, she makes your dinners and tucked you in at night. You don't have to be blood to be family"

I looked at him. He sure did have a way with words. He was also very wise, like an owl. He knew what to say every time someone was down, " god, you have a way with words"

He rolled his eyes, " it's a gift. Now finish that and go to sleep. If you need anything you know where I am"

I nodded as he got up and walked out of the room, slowly closing the door behind him. I finished the hot chocolate and set the mug down on the bedside table. I turned off the lights and jumped into the bed. It was surprisingly very warm.

_I was three years old, almost four. My birthday was in two weeks. My mum and I were in the store, shopping for groceries. Dad had dropped us off and was going to get the car serviced because the radio wasn't working. We were about to walk in the door when we heard an ear splitting sound, screams and screeching of tyres. _

_My mum and I both turned around instinctively and I saw our little blue car in the big ditch on the side of the road. The windows and windshield were shattered and there was a man lying on the grass. People surrounded him and some women started to cry. I heard mum sob beside me as she gripped my small hand and pulled me down the stairs and to the scene. I heard sirens and a police car pulled up and put that yellow tape around the car and the man that looked asleep on the grass. He looked like my daddy but I didn't think it was him. He left ten minutes ago. _

_My mum pushed through the crowd and we made our way to the front where she was stopped by a tall police officer. " im sorry mam, but your not allowed in here"_

_She pointed to the man, " he's my husband"_

_The officers face softened as he allowed us inside. One of them stopped me and picked me up, " hey buddy. Whats your name?"_

_I allowed him to pick me up. Me being a little kid didn't think much about where my mum was going, " im Jace, who are you?"_

_The officer smiled and spoke again, his moustache twitching a bit, _

" _hello Jace. My name is sargeant Carter"_

" _wow! Are you the boss of everyone here?" I asked, getting excited._

" _yes, its pretty cool" he said laughing a bit._

_I heard my mum say my dads name and I looked back over to her and saw she was kneeling in the dirt. The mans eyes were closed and he was still asleep, " why is that man sleeping in the ditch?"_

_The officer grunted, " hes just a bit tired. Your mum is trying to wake him up"_

_I smirked, thinking it was funny. _

_Three days later I was sitting in my room rolling a ball to myself. My daddy hadn't come home yet. Mum came into the room and sat on my bed. I stopped rolling the ball and looked at her, " mummy when is daddy coming home?"_

_A single tear rolled down her cheek as she patted her knee. I came over to her and sat there as she stroked my hair, " Jace, baby, do you know what heaven is?"_

" _yeah, it's a place where old people go as a reward for being so nice. But their families never get to see them again" I said, looking at her_

" _well Jace, daddy went to heaven" she said quietly_

" _but daddy wasn't old" I said, my voice protesting as I didn't want to believe it. _

" _no I know. They just really wanted daddy in heaven to help all the old people get settled into their new home"_

" _so I never get to see him again?" I asked her sadly_

_She nodded and pushed me into her arms. She hugged me tightly and I felt a water drop onto my forehead. I wrapped my arms around her back and hugged my mummy back. _

_Five days later I was at home when I heard screeching tyres and a then someone come into the house. I heard mummy screaming and then a mean voice told her to be quiet. She was silent and I wondered what was happening. I decided I better hide, that's what mummy told me to do if someone broke into the house. I hid in the wardrobe and hushed myself. I saw through the crack in the door, the men come into my room and turn it upside down. They threw everything off the shelves and then I heard mummy come in and start yelling to get out of here. They ignored her and she kept yelling and then I heard a loud bang and mummy was quiet. The men laughed and then one told everyone to be quiet. Then the wardrobe door opened and I curled up in the corner and stared up at them. _

_The mans face softened when he saw me and turned around to the other two men, " there's a kid in here"_

_They cursed like my grandfather used to and then one of them picked me up. I looked over his shoulder and saw my mummy. She was sleeping on the floor in a puddle of red paint. I guess she had been painting and fallen over, " mummy?"_

_The men looked at me, " mummy, wake up"_

_She didn't answer me and the men ignored my tiny voice. The one carrying me looked at me, " your mummy went to heaven"_

" _but she couldn't of. Daddy went there too, she wouldn't of left me here alone"_

I sat up in the bed with a gasp. I felt myself shaking and I looked at my trembling hands, glistening with sweat. I blinked and looked around and realized where I was. I sighed and got up. Then I heard Magnus talking on the phone and he turned around and smiled when he saw me. He told the person to hold on a minute and took the phone away from his ear and covered the speaker,

" its Alec. He's asking for you"

I shook my head and Magnus shook his head and clicked his tongue and returned to his conversation. I walked into the bathroom and closed the door. I looked at myself in Magnus' huge mirror. My golden hair looked dull, my matching eyes looked lifeless and I just looked like a walking zombie.

I turned the shower on and got in. the water running down my shoulders. I washed my hair with Magnus' shampoo and scrubbed myself. Afterwards I felt refreshed and brand new.

o.0.o

Magnus had re- done his hair. Again. It was now purple, electric blue, green, pink and yellow. He spiked it up with his 'magic gel' and then he dressed in his big boots, gothic pants with a black studded belt that hung uselessly around his hips and a plain black singlet. When he walked out into the lounge room I rolled my eyes.

" You gotta look good for sexy visitors" he told me as he winked

I jumped up from the couch, " I know im sexy Mag but you don't need to dress up for me"

Magnus rolled his eyes, " Not you! Alexander"

" You mean Alec? My brother?" I asked looking at him suspiciously

" yeah, he's coming over soon" I could hear the hint of excitement in his voice.

" Yuck, you just called my brother sexy" I said pretending to gag

Magnus smiled a big grin and continued what he was doing in the kitchen. Making breakfast. I decided to help him and together we made eggs, toast and bacon. When we set the table Alec was at the door. Magnus went and let him in while I stayed in the kitchen.

Alec came in, looking tired and like a zombie. I guess he hadn't slept much last night.

He looked at me hopefully, like he was expecting me to come back home. But I wasn't.

" well Alec, sit down and join me and Jace for a yummy breakfast" Magnus said, hoping to clear the sad tension in the atmosphere.

Alec looked at him and smiled and then joined me at the table. We ate in silence and then we all stood up at the same time to take our plates to the dishwasher. I looked away from Alec and Magnus and put my plate in and then stood back and leant against the kitchen counter. Magnus eyeballed me like he wanted me to say something. But I was silent.

Then Alec came over to me and spoke, " can I talk to you?"

" sure" I said, not really paying attention to his sad and furrowed expression,

" in private" he said.

Magnus jumped up and told us to use to the spare room I had stayed in. I predicted he would be listening from outside the door. Alec closed the door behind me and told me to sit down on the bed. I did.

" Jace why are you here?" Alec asked,

" Don't play dumb. You already know. Everyone did" I said, looking down. My voice quiet, the last couple of words

" I knew mum gave you those pills. I know she cried herself to sleep because of what you said. I know she loves you and misses you", his voice trailing off at the end

" if you knew she snuck them into my drink, then why didn't you tell me? I thought we told each other everything. No matter what" okay, ill admit I sounded like a woman with PMS. But it was the heat of the moment.

" if you knew about them, you wouldn't drink anything would you? You just started eating and drinking again and if you knew you would stop again"

I was quiet and surrounded by silence but Alec broke it, " why don't you just come home?"

I looked up at him, " I cant"

" why not? Its your home and your family"

"because I feel horrible. I regret what I said to her but I don't know how to make it up to her"

Alec sat down beside me, " well, first of all you could try coming home and apologizing or…. You could at least give her a smile or a hug"

o.0.o

I did end up going home that morning. I ended up apologizing to mum and to my relief she forgave me and hugged me tightly. Tomorrow was a Monday so I was walking into the school gates. People stared at me as I walked in the hallway. I ignored their stares and continued to my locker. My first class I had sport and just my luck Simon lewis was in that class.

We were running around the oval and Simon jogged up beside me, he was puffing like everyone else, and between his heavy breaths he spoke, " can I please talk to you?"

I stopped running and he had to stop suddenly and jog back a few paces. One thing I knew about Simon Lewis was that he never said the word please…

_**Please review and….**_

_**Give me suggestions for the next chapter!**_

_**Review!:**__**J**_


	10. Chapter 10

_**Give me some love? Im sick:/**_

_**And a shoutout to my buddy LittleMissSparkie2012! I hope you had an excellent birthday beautiful:D**_

I ran it over in my head for a few seconds. I had never heard him say the word please. I never thought I would hear it from his mouth but that day had come.

I looked at him and he jerked his head toward the locker room, nobody would be in there, everyone was out jogging or doing some kind of sport.

He looked at me pleadingly and I gave in and followed him cautiously to the locker room. I changed my shirt and made myself smell nice again and Simon did the same.

I leant against the cool metal and crossed my arms on my chest, waiting for Simon to say what he wanted. I watched his adams apple bob as he swallowed and then looked at me,

" Okay, so I just wanted to say im sorry" he said, then immediately dropping his eyes to the ground.

I stared at him shocked, Simon Lewis never apologized either. He just wasn't that type of person that apologized to anyone. I frowned and stared at him but he spoke again,

" I've realized now that you were telling the truth when you said that I had caused what she did. I didn't want to believe it before but I know that I did it. I went to your house last night, looking for you actually, but I found your mum instead. She told me everything. I didn't mean for anyone to get hurt you know. Its just that Clary was so inexperienced with that sorta stuff and I wanted more"

" What do you mean, she told you everything?" I asked him cautiously.

" She told me about you yelling and breaking everything, how you didn't eat or drink and how you tried to do the same thing Clary did and why you were at Magnus' house" he said it slowly like the information was still new to him.

I was quiet and then he spoke again, " Were you really going to do it? With the train?"

I looked at him slowly and then nodded, " If you were me wouldn't you want to do the same?"

Simon didn't answer my question, " But I am sorry and it feels kind of selfish now but I only went out with her to make you jealous. I knew you liked her and I didn't want you to have her the way that I did, I should of let you have her Jace. Then none of this would of happened"

I was quiet, my fingers were twitching and I curled them up into a fist. I wasn't planning on using it, just to stop the twitching.

Then a whistle was blown and the rest of the guys came in. Simon stood up as his friends pulled him away to the other side of the locker room. Jordan came and took me away, " Hey where did you go?"

I looked at him, kind of confused, " Simon just apologized"

He whistled and said, "I never thought I would hear that"

I nodded and waited for Jordan to change and then we walked out into the hallway. The bell rang and a voice sounded from the loudspeaker and filled the halls.

Ms Belcourt announced, "All students please make your way down to the school gym for an emergency. _all _students"

Jordan and I exchanged looks and made our way to the gym. We took our seats and was met by Magnus and Alec who sat down. They were holding hands. I looked at Magnus and he smiled big, a glint in his eyes. Jordan laughed beside me and Alec had a bright red face.

I was about to say something when Ms Belcourt made her way to the podium and took the mike in her hands and told us all to be quiet. I held my tongue as she started to speak

"Throughout this presentation, there will be no smart remarks, laughing or anything of that sort of matter. It is a very serious issue so I expected you all to sit there and listen"

I shifted uncomfortably in my chair and three pairs of eyes looked at me, I didn't return their gazes as she started to speak again,

" As all of you might know, teenage love can be pleasurable, hurtful and sometimes it can cause a girl or boy to permantly punish themselves. In fact, teenage suicides are the highest rate among people and some because of love. I hope none of you are thinking about it, because I would start crying"

I heard someone mutter something but the gym was dead silent so everybody heard him and some people started laughing. Ms Belcourts voice rang out in a shriek, " get out!"

The three guys and a girl got up from their seats and walked outside. I was taken aback by her ferociousness, our principal never yelled like that.

" Now, if any of you think about making any rude or inappropriate comments like those fools outside, leave now"

Nobody stirred as she continued to talk through the microphone,

"This is mainly directed at the seniors and maybe some other people know as well but if you do please know that we have counsellors and guidance officers if you ever need to talk about anything whether it be family issues, home problems, relationship problems or advice on anything. Your officers will always be there for you no matter what. Its not something to be ashamed of, you don't need to compress those feelings deep down inside you. Oh and of course you could always ask your favourite teacher or principal like myself"

She smiled her bright smile and flicked her long blonde hair out of her eyes and continued to talk,

" Okay, so the real thing I wanted to talk to you about this morning was that maybe the whole senior grade knows miss Clarissa Fray. Most of you know her as Clary. Three weeks ago she did something permanently. She committed suicide because of her love life. Im sure all of you know what happened. Two young men in her grade had a very brutal fight over it that resulted in one of them in hospital",

I heard gasps and loud sobs come from a group of girls. I saw Alec flinch in the corner of my eye and him look at me. I looked at him and he handed me a sheet of paper. I unfolded It and read the words,

_Are you alright? You look really pale - _Alec

_No _- Jace

_Do you need anything? -_Alec

_No, im fine - Jace_

He looked at me like I was an invading alien. Raised eyebrows and everything. I looked away as Ms Belcourt spoke again,

" I know this might be a lot to take in but remember the counsellors and people who you want to talk to. don't take it too hard, please.

But at this school, when a student passes on we take it upon ourselves to remember them like a saint. And now would you all sit and watch this presentation that our film crew and tech crew has put together"

The lights turned off and the movie screen fell down and the lights were projected. Clary's favourite song played softly as the presentation started, firework by Katy Perry. She would have her ipod on replay 24/7 on that one song. Earplugs on full blast, sometimes she would even start to hum to it or sing very loudly. She was never really good at singing but I didn't mind. As long as she had fun.

I watched the film play out before my eyes. A picture of writing was first.

_**Pictures were generously donated to us by Jocelyn and Valentine Morgenstern. May their beloved and loving daughter R.I.P**_

_**Jocelyn wanted to include one of Clary's favourite quotes that she lived by everyday**_

'_**Someday everything will all make perfect sense . So for now, laugh at the confusion, smile through the tears, and keep reminding yourself that everything happens for a reason'**_

I took a deep breath as I watched the presentation. The first picture was of Clary as a newborn baby. She was a tiny little girl, she had ginger hair and eyebrows. Her proud mother smiled huge up at the camera as her brother stood beside his new sister and his mum smiling as well. It disappeared as another picture showed up.

Clary at three years old, she was holding a small black and white puppy. She had told me about that puppy. Its name was diamond because of the mark it had above its paw. It was a good little dog, she was patting it as it licked her chin and she made a face.

( this sign above means the picture has changed)

Clary at five years old. It was a shot taken from her house, It had a golden haired five year old boy on the monkey bars swinging while a fiery red headed girl was below him making sandcastles out of the parks sand. It was the same park we always used to meet up in the afternoons. Where I would sit at the door and wait.

Clary at 7 years old. She was smiling into the camera with two bottom teeth missing. Her big green eyes were anticipating the excitement as I stood beside her with the same bottom teeth missing. Everybody had called us twins that day because of our matching gaps. A smile played at my lips and I heard Alec gasp and whisper to Magnus, Luke and Jordan and Sebastian. They all whispered something back. I didn't know what they were saying.

Clary at 10 years old. Holding a paint brush in her hand and a big canvas in front of her, I was beside her with a canvas of my own and trying to paint an apple. I heard a murmered laugh go through the crowd as they saw my disspointed face at the way my creation had turned out compared to hers.

I was 12 years old. I was in the park and giving Clary a piggie back. Her red hair flopped in my face and a big smile plastered on her face. I remembered that day. I remember feeling how light she actually was, like a feather. But of course she didn't believe me.

`13 years old. Our first year of high school. We were both dressed in our clean clothes and holding our books. I was giving a sarcastic happy face while Clary was clearly excited to see all her old friends. Alec was beside me, giving the thumbs up to the camera. Clary was laughing at the two of us. I could still hear her laughter in my head.

Clary had a boyfriend. I wasn't in this picture. In her house, his arm was draped lazily around her shoulders and she had her arm around his waist. His name was Meliorn but people called him Mal. Even the teachers called him that. I sighed looking at this picture. I shifted again and people stared at me. I silently told them to stop looking at me every time I moved.

14 years old. It was her birthday. Mal and clary had broken up months ago and Clary managed to smile. She sat in front of a big green and blue birthday cake with a big candle in the middle. She was smiling as she held the knife up, people laughed quietly again. Her friends crowded behind her and I was beside her. I remember her asking everyone to move so I could stand beside her. I felt my cheeks grow hot and again I shifted in my seat. Again people looked. I frowned and breathed through my nostrils.

Clary and I were at the beach. She was sitting in my lap with her arm around my neck, laughing at something id said. Id told her that Alec had punched me and slipped on some spilt juice and fell over, chipping his tooth. I started laughing as I told her and when I was finished she burst out in hysterics.

Clary sitting with sketch pad on her lap. Pencil drawing madly. Her hair on her face she sat in the sand with the sun behind her and the palm tree providing shade.

Me and Clary were swimming in the ocean. I was holding her in my arms above my head about to throw her in. she was squirming in my arms and laughing. I remembered throwing her and when she bobbed back up to the surface and splashed me which turned into a splashing fight.

Clary and I jumping off a cliff into the crystal clear, shimmering water below. A waterfall in the background. That had been in the winter holidays, only 3 months before she did what she did. She held my hand tightly as we jumped. She wore her turquoise bikini and I wore my board shorts. I heard girls gasp and some muttered something about being lucky. We both had big wide open smiles on our faces.

Clary and I sitting in our special spot. She was kissing my cheek as I stared up at the camera, smiling like an idiot. Her red curls blowing in her face and my golden curls in my face.

She was in a field of long yellow grass. Random wild flowers popped out through the grass. The blue sky with fluffy white clouds dotted through it, and in the middle of it all was Clary. Her hair was down and around her face. Her hands outstretched, either side of her. Showing the person behind the camera what was out there. That person was me. The sun was shining and it was a beautiful day.

I felt a smile twitching and then my lips pulled back into a smile as the presentation ended. I heard Alec and Magnus start to cheer and holler. Same with Jordan, Sebastian and Luke. Then the rest of the students joined in. I did too.

The smile still on my face, we were told to leave. Outside the gym Alec practically jumped on me.

" What are you so happy about?" I asked him.

" You just smiled! And its still on your face!" he said with a big grin.

"I think that's what I needed" I told him.

" So your back?"

I nodded. I felt refreshed. Seeing those pictures had released the smile that had been cowering in the depths of my misery. It had grown the courage to rise up and kill the deadly depression that had been eating away at me for weeks. I felt like the old me. I was back and now I was going to make up for everything id done the past couple of weeks.

**So?… this will be ending soon. I know its sad and your crushed.. But please review:D**


	11. Chapter 11

_**Thankyou:D I didn't think anybody still was interested in this but thanks anyway, ill keep writing:D**_

It had been a week since the presentation and I had been more myself. I had only tried to do something harmful once and that had been to pinch myself really, really hard when I thought about something awful. But I had stopped now.

I had been smiling and showing affection to people now. Alec was amazed at how something like a picture could of sparked this inside of me. Then again, everyone was.

I was leaning on the cool metal of my locker with Jordan, talking and playing on our phones at the same time. I saw blonde hair beside me out of the corner of my eye. I turned around as the girl cleared her voice. Nobody was in the hall, it was only me and Jordan because we had a free period.

Jordan watched and I saw his eyes bulge out of his head as he saw what he was looking at. I think my mouth dropped open when I saw this amazingly beautiful girl standing beside me. She had long blonde hair that was tied into a pony tail. The light shone on it and it shined brightly. She had a gold headband on that hung above her side fridge. Her striking blue eyes stood out against her tanned skin. She slung her bag over her shoulder, that looked more like a handbag.

She smiled and her liglossed lips parted. I felt a breeze brush past me and I could smell her perfume. It smelt like vanilla mixed with strawberries. I saw her cheeks grow pink as I smiled back at her.

" Umm, Hi. I'm new here and I'm a bit lost. Im trying to find the office", she said in a voice that was almost as sweet as her perfume.

" Hey, im Jace and this is Jordan", I motioned behind me and Jordan smiled and did a little wave. The girl smiled and nodded as I continued talking,

" The office is just down the hall, in that brown door there", I said and pointing to a little brown door that said the word office on it.

" Oh, thankyou so much", she started to rush off towards the office and I yelled out.

" Wait!, whats your name?"

She turned around and walked backwards, " Kaelie", she told me smiling.

I smiled back and she opened the door and bounced in on her heels.

Jordan punched my arm, " ooooohh!"

" Dude! What the hell is wrong with you?!", I asked rubbing my arm.

He rolled his eyes, " You got yourself a little crush"

" Don't be a retard Jordan. I only just met her…. And besides im not ready yet"

" So, I only met Maia when we started going out, but you'll be ready eventually"

" Whatever dude" I said rolling my eyes.

" Im serious. I only knew her name, her age, her school and that's it and she knew the same and we still dated and got to know each other from there. Until she cheated on me with that dick"

" Dude, you know im sorry about that"

" Don't sweat it, you weren't involved" he said waving a hand. He was the type of guy that never showed he was pissed. But I knew better.

He wanted his revenge on Simon Lewis and bad. It was true that when Jordan found out about the threesome, he had confronted Maia and told her it was over. He had sulked for a day or two until he pushed everything aside when he found out about Clary. He didn't think about himself after that, he only thought about me and Clary. He knew about my thing for Clary and would always urge me to ask her out but I kept turning it down. Saying I wasn't ready yet.

I was never nervous around girls. They adored me and would always say yes but Clary was different. She meant more to me than the others because she was my best friend too.

The bell rang for next period and I had Gym theory. Where we had to learn about CPR injuries. I took out my books and walked with Jordan to the gym room which was near the gym.

I took a seat at the back of the room as students filed in and took their seats. We had a seating plan because people wouldn't shut up and I was at the back of the room because I was the most talkative. Apparently. It was a double desk but I was by myself.

The teacher took her place at the front of the room and started to call the roll when a soft knock was placed on the door and a familiar scent of Vanilla and Strawberries flew in as the door opened. Kaelie walked in and she spotted me first and smiled. Since there were no other seats she was told to sit next to me. She said hi and then started to draw little pictures in her notebook as the teacher called the roll. She glanced up and said here when her name was called.

My name was called and the teacher made a sound at my name and Kaelie looked at me, " Doesn't she like you or something?"

" Nah, she hates me"

"Why?", she asked.

" Cause I used to talk a lot", I told her. Being careful to choose my words carefully. Not many people talked in my classes anymore. They would all look at me and give me sad looks.

" Used to?", she asked me in a confused tone.

I looked at her and was mesmerized by those big blue eyes, " Lets just say, something happened that made everyone be quiet. No body talks much anymore"

" Why?", she asked obviously eager to know more.

I didn't have a chance to speak because the teacher shrieked at me, " Jace! Im happy that your talking again but not that happy"

I glanced down at my pen and continued tapping at the paper. I saw Kaelie glance at me from across the desk. She wanted answers.

The teacher started talking, " Alright Class, today we are going to do a pair activity on bandaging and managing injuries. So just turn to the person next to you and say an injury at the same time that has happened to you that you wish you could of stopped or helped"

Kaelie turned to me and smiled slightly. I returned the gesture and the teacher said go. But when Kaelie and me spoke I never expected her to say what she did. We both said the same thing,

" Slit wrists"

_**I know, you probably hate me for ending it there but I personally like the ending:D**_

_**Review and tell me what you think please!?**_


	12. Chapter 12

_**omg! i posted the same chapter twice.! so sory but here is the right one:D...awkward**_

We had both said the same thing. Slit wrists. But who did she have to see?

I stared at her in shock and she stared at me, the same expression on her face as mine. She was probably thinking the same thing.

I tore my eyes away from her and looked out the window and saw red hair. I blinked and the hair was gone. I felt like something was watching me from the corner of the room and I had the urge to look. I did slowly as the teacher was talking to Kaelie.

I saw Clary, laying on the floor in a bloody mess. Her wrists were pouring sticky red blood and staining her skin. Her lips were blue and her face pale. She didn't move but as I stared at her scared out of my brain, she turned her head and stretched out her stained arm. The blood dripping furiously. her lips quivered as she spoke, " Join me Jacey. Die with me"

I jerked back and said no. I bumped into the table and then rubbed my eyes. People were looking at me weirdly and I looked back to the spot I had seen her and she was no longer there. No sign she was ever there. I must be hallucinating or something. I stared at the corner and the teacher touched my shoulder, making me jump. She looked at me, " Are you alright Jace?"

I shook my head, " No. I think…. I think I just need some air"

The teacher nodded as I walked out the door. I looked at my hands and they were trembling, I had goosebumps and my hair stood on end. What the hell is wrong with me?

I slumped down against the wall and put my head in my hands. I tugged at my hair. I heard the door open and close and Kaelie sat down beside me, " im sorry, if I said something or did something to upset you"

" No, you did nothing, its just something that happened a couple weeks ago"

" What happened?", she asked me.

"Well, I was best friends with this girl and secretly in love with her and her boyfriend cheated on her so she killed herself. She slit her wrists and I was too late to save her from her"

" Im sorry Jace. You must have been so upset"

" You have no idea. I had her in my arms as she took her last breath, all because of that dick", I told her.

She was silent for a few minutes, " I did the same with my brother"

I looked at her, " What happened?"

She took a deep breath, " He slit his wrists after years battling depression. He was only 14 when he did it. Nobody believed he would do it to himself but he did and then people cared. When he was gone everybody felt bad, it made me so angry. In his note, he told me that he loved me and I wasn't to blame for any of it. It was our dad who was to blame. He had been ignoring him and my brother just wanted to him to love him. But when I found his body in the bathtub, dad was the first person to cry and he mourned for a whole year. It was really hard seeing my dad go through that but I guess we all had to move on. My brother would of thought mourning over him was a waste of time"

A tear slid down her cheek, " But I imagine it would be a lot harder for you obviously. You were in love with her, your best friend. You had to hold her. I am so sorry"

" Its okay, im getting over it slowly. Clary loved life, she always used to stand out in the sun and smile because it felt nice and it was amazing", I smiled remembering the way she used to smile and comment.

Kaelie took my hand in hers, " In the classroom, what did you see?"

" What do you mean?"

" When the teacher was talking to me, I saw you look behind you in the corner and your expression changed to horrified. What did you see?", she asked me again.

" You'll think im crazy and stupid", I told her.

" Remember, ive been through what you have. I wont judge you whatsoever"

I looked at her and smiled, " I saw Clary in the corner, like she was dying over again. She told me to join her and die with her"

" I don't think that's crazy, my brother used to come to me too. I think its like the next stage of getting over it, it'll pass" she told me.

I looked at her, " It was so real though Kaelie, I had goosebumps and everything"

She seemed to be thinking for a moment, " Would you be willing to come with me to see a friend?"

" What sort of friend?"

" He is a medium. You know like someone who can see and speak to dead people. I go every week to talk to my brother. It really works"

" I don't know, im not usually one to deal with that sort of stuff", I told her.

" Come on Jace. It'll be great, trust me. I do it"

" Fine, when do we go?", I asked her.

" This afternoon, if your not busy", she said looking at me.

" Sure, what class do you have last?", I asked her.

" Umm, I think I have science", she said.

I nodded, " Me too"

o.0.o

The day finished faster than I had expected. I didn't know what I would find this afternoon. I had expected someone that wore a bandana around their head, a dress and weird bells that chimed but I found Magnus. My best friend Magnus. As in Magnus Bane.

" Magnus?!" I asked shocked.

He smiled, " Yeah, don't be angry with me"

" Im not, I just cant believe you didn't tell any of us", I said.

He sighed, " Im sorry, I just didn't want you to think I was a freak or something"

I smiled as he told us to sit. Kaelie pulled me down beside her on a wooden chair. Magnus lit two candles, " Alright, so this is how it works. Whoever you want to see the most will show up. They will be invisible to you at first but you can hear them and talk to them and have conversations. When they show up, ill direct you to a room where you can talk" Magnus was giving me this exlplanation.

" But will I be able to see her?", I asked him, hopeful

" Yes, but only after a few visits. The more you want to see them again, the faster they'll be able to reveal themselves and this is really, really rare and has only happened once or twice but if you want them so badly and you've been miserable and out of character, you can touch them and they will be real to you and only you for as long as you want"

" So….. If I wanted clary that badly, she would come back and be a real person like me?, I could touch her and she would be real?" I asked him.

" Yes, but remember its really rare, like a flying pig" he told me.

" Well, then. Lets get down to business", I said.

Magnus smiled and Kaelie hugged me tightly. The candles grew bright and flickered and then burned normally. I looked at Magnus and he just smiled.

" Kaelie, your brother Is here and he has brought a friend for Jace. They would both like to speak to you"

My heart fluttered in my chest as I was directed into a warm room. It was like a normal room but had posters on the walls and candles in every corner. I sat down on a chair and I could feel the hair on my arms stand on end. I got goosebumps and I turned to see Clary. She was standing there in a long white dress with a gold belt around her waist. Her long red hair was curled down her back, her eyes bright. I stood up quickly and looked at her with tears in my eyes, " Clary? Is it really you?"

She nodded and I walked over to her, smiling. She smiled back and put out her hand, like she was about to wave. I did the same and our hands inched closer and closer and then I saw a bright neon blue line shoot between our hands, sparkles came from it and shot out onto the floor but vanished into thin air as the hands came closer together. Finally our hands touched, I wasn't touching air, I was touching clary. Her pale, freckled hand. Her milky white skin compared to my tan hand.

As our hands melted together, a bright orange light radiated around them and encircled them both. It was a warm and comforting feeling and it made my insides melt. I let out a breath I had been holding as the glow spread to my arm and engulfed my body. My insides felt warm and it felt pleasurable. I didn't feel scared at all, I felt safe, like the light was giving me strength.

I looked at Clary, asking what this was. She smiled and stared at me.

" Its happening Jacey"

" Whats happening?", I asked her.

Before she could answer Magnus burst into the room with Kaelie.

" Jace NO!"

He stared to cast some sort of spell, in a language that I had never heard before. The candles burst into bright green flames and then I saw my hand go transparent. I could see right through it to the wooden floor boards.

I looked at Kaelie and she had tears in her eyes. Magnus flicked his eyes up from the page and stared at me and then started to read faster. Clary was still smiling at me, her hair was blowing behind her like there was a wind in the room, until I realized there was. Kaelie's hair was blowing in every direction, same with Magnus, glitter beads flying around the room. Kaelie ran forward and grabbed hold of my hand but as soon as she did, she was pushed back by some invisible force. Like something had pushed her.

She stared at me in shock and fear. What was happening to me?"

" Take a step forward Jacey", clary told me.

I did as I was told and took a step forward. As my feet hit the floor I heard a thump behind me. I turned my head around and saw me. I was lying on the floor, pale and motionless. My lips were blue and I wasn't breathing. The wind had dropped completely and Kaelie burst into tears and ran over to me. Clary's hand had dropped and now we were standing side by side. I looked at myself, lying on the ground as Kaelie put her hand on my cheek and spoke, " Jace, Jace please wake up. Im sorry"

What was she apologising for? This wasn't her fault. Magnus started crying as well. The book he was reading from, dropped out of his hands and thudded onto the floor, the pages smacking shut.

He dropped to his knees beside me and pushed on my chest. He was giving me CPR. But why?

" Magnus! Stop it, im right here!", I told him but he didn't seem to have heard me and continued pushing and punching my chest.

After 10 minutes of this practise, they both stopped. They both looked pale and exhausted. They were breathing hard and sweating. Kaelie started to sob and Magnus pulled her close in his arms and held her while she whispered between sobs,

" He's gone"

_**Well? One of you (cant remember) said Jace should see Clary in his dreams so I used that and made it more supernatural or something like that.**_

_**Did you like it? I liked it. **_

_**What should happen next?**_


	13. Chapter 13

**Im sorry for the wait! I was going to update sooner but Mel's dad cut down a pole that took out my internet so blame her for the wait:D just joking, blame her dad. **

They said I was gone, but I was standing right in front of them. I watched as the thick, black mascara ran down Magnus' cheeks and Kaelie's the same. I was dead to them. They couldn't see me or hear me or feel me anymore.

" Magnus!" I yelled but he didn't move a muscle. Neither did Kaelie. I turned towards Clary when I heard her talking. She was talking to a young boy, around the age of 14. He was taller than her obviously, everything was. He had big blue eyes and blonde shaggy hair. He was Kaelies brother.

I stared at him in shock. Now I was seeing other dead people. He glanced at me like he had just noticed I was there. But then turned back to Clary, " What have you done?!"

Clary looked at me, "I just wanted my best friend back", she told the guy.

" Your not supposed to do that Clary. Its against the law. You have to send him back, now. Before his body goes brain dead"

" I cant. I don't want him to go back to his sad life. You havent seen him like I have. How am I supposed to make him go back to that?", she asked. Her eyes tearing up.

" If you were really watching, you would of also seen that he has started to move on. Have you not seen that? Clary send him back. it's the right thing to do"

She looked at me sadly, " I cant, I love him"

My breath caught in my throat as she said those words. But then the guy spoke again, " You love him as a best friend I get it, but either way you still have to send him back"

She shook her head, " No, I love him more than a best friend. Way more"

Kaelie's brother looked scared as he pinched the bridge of his nose, " This is bad. Real bad. Clary you have no idea what you've done!"

I took a step forward and cleared my voice, " Hello? Im right here you know"

The boy looked at me in shock, like he was surprised that I could talk, " Do you love her? In that way?" he asked me.

I nodded, " I always have"

He groaned and cursed, " Great, just great. Clary your in charge of him. Keep him hidden and ill get help from Magnus"

She nodded as she took my hand in hers and led me through a door. I looked back at the crying people and my lifeless body, but then they were gone as the door shut behind me. Clary whisked me away through a hallway and opened another door. She handed me some white clothes, " Put these on, so you don't stand out"

" Why would I stand out?", I asked her.

" Because everybody wears white here. Everybody", she said as she turned around for me to get changed. I took off my shirt and dressed myself in the white v-kneck t-shirt and the white jeans. I didn't get shoes and I saw Clary wasn't wearing any either. She took my clothes from my hands and zapped them. Literally zapped them. Blue and red sparks shot from her hands like lightning and the clothes were gone. Nothing left behind from them at all.

Clary pulled me through the same hallway and then opened another door. This time there was a fluffy white cloud below me surrounded by blue sky and then a person landed on the cloud and skimmed back off into the sky. It was a woman with long brown hair and behind her, attached to her back was a pair of white fluffy looking wings. I stared at her in wonder. She was flying. She was an angel. Realization dawned on me that I was in heaven. The actual heaven.

But it looked like a normal neighbourhood. Houses lined paved streets and a park was off to the corner with a bridge in the middle and a river running underneath. I saw children playing with kites and running on the grass and people collecting their mail from their white letterboxes. Clary led me down a cloud staircase and up one of the streets. People waved to her and said greetings and she did the same.

She swerved onto the driveway of one of the houses and opened the front door. It had marble colloums inside at the bottom of a staircase. Marble floors that I could see my face in. a massive glowing chandelier hung from the ceiling and gave the room light. I opened my mouth at wonder of how big this place was. I was led up the staircase and down a hallway to a bedroom. It had light blue walls with a matching bed cover. A window with white curtains and a very fluffy rug in the middle of the room. She sat me down on the bed and a smell rose up. A nice smell of vanilla. Like Kaelie's perfume.

Clary's hand grabbed mine and held it, " Jace. Im so sorry. I didn't mean for this to happen its just I wanted you with me so bad!", she said as a tear slid down her cheek.

I wiped it away with my thumb, " Its okay Clary. Its cool here"

She smiled as she hugged me tightly. Her head burying in my chest, I wrapped my arms around her and hugged her tightly back. I had missed that feeling. The feeling of her head against my chest, the feeling of her arms around me, clutching my shoulder blades.

" You were watching me?", I asked her, kind of happy that she was watching over me like a guardian but kind of embarrassed that she had seen what id tried to do.

" Yes. We all choose someone to watch over until they die and direct them to the right path. So they don't choose wrong, but you were difficult to direct. So like you", she said smiling.

" So when I die, I choose someone to watch over?", I asked her and she nodded,

" I Chose you because I knew you so well and every time you did something I would feel it" she told me and I felt so bad. I had hurt myself and cut myself and tried to be hit by a train and got into plenty of fights with Simon.

" So…. Whatever I did, it would happen to you?" I asked.

" Yes, and I did not appreciate being stabbed" she said. But she continued to speak, " When you ran to the train tracks, I panicked and used everything in me to slow the train down. I sent Alec after you and I made him tackle you so you would stop. I made you have that switch in your head remember?", she told me.

" Yeah… but why couldn't you just let me be hit by it and then I would be up here forever?" I asked her.

She looked up at me, " Because it wasn't your time yet. You still have the rest of your life and ill make sure that you live as long as possible", she said smiling.

I smiled down at her, " Wait, can you see whats in my head?"

" Yep, you have some disturbing dreams" she told me.

I chuckled, " Clary. I miss you so much. Everybody does and went through so much to get that dickhead to realize what he did and everyone is pitying me. I don't like it and I want to stay here"

She smiled, " You cant stay Jace. You have people down there who love you and cant let you go. Think about Kaelie"

" Why would I think about Kaelie?", I asked her.

" You like her Jacey. Did you see the candles when you guys hugged? That was me making them light up. I know she likes you too", she said smiling.

I looked at her, " You made the candles do that? Is that why Magnus was smiling? Because he knows?"

Clary nodded and I spoke again, " I don't like her, I only just met her"

" And you've told her the biggest secret of your life already", she said raising her eyebrows.

" So what? She would of heard something sooner or later"

She shrugged. " Whatever rocks your boat"

**( right here, play the song here I am by Bryan Adams! I think it fits?)**

I smiled as I tackled her onto the bed playfully. She squealed and held my shoulders as I looked down at her, " I love you so much" I told her.

She smiled, " I love you too Jacey"

Our chests were heaving and her eyes fluttered as she brought me down closer to her. I closed mine and parted my lips. I felt a strong pull to her lips, like they were two keys to a puzzle that had been separated for centuries and had now only just been found and put together.

Her lips ghosted mine like she was testing me. Testing to see if it was okay. She got her answer as my lips gripped hers. I felt hot and opened my eyes for a second. Clary did too and I saw silver and gold sparks filling the air. I sat up and looked around us to find the whole room was filled with them, my lips still parted from the wonder of it all. They shimmered and sparkled as more colours appeared. Reds and blues. Greens and yellows. Pinks and purples. Every colour was there like a sparkly rainbow.

Clary's hand was on my cheek and gently pulled my face back to hers. Our lips met again and I heard the sound of exploding fireworks ringing in my ears. The sound of whistles, pops and cracks as our lips danced with each other. I felt her hands twist in my hair and I deepened our kisses. But that was all ruined by a shout from the door.

We broke apart like we had been caught doing something terrible and unforgiving. I saw Kaelie's brother at the door, looking frustrated, angry and miserable.

Clary apologized as the sparks faded in the room and vanished into the floorboards. Kaelie's brother waved a hand, " Are you still here?", he groaned.

" Yep, I was obviously enjoying myself"

He smirked, " Smartass. Stand up", he instructed. I did as I was told and stood up. He grabbed my hand and I jerked mine away, " What the hell do you think your doing?"

He rolled his eyes, " Showing you whats happening in your real world"

He took my hand again and I felt uncomfortable but I strained to see what he was showing me. I was looking around the room waiting for something to pop up, but Clary tapped my shoulder, " You have to close your eyes"

I smiled as I closed my eyes hesitantly and immediately flashing images filtered through my mind as he sent me the information. Then it stopped and played out like I was watching a movie.

_I was in a white walled room, there were needles in my hands and a tube sticking out of my throat. My eyes were closed and my chest was rising and falling slowly. I heard beeping and realized I was hooked up to life support and heart monitors. The beeping was slow and steady but not normal. I saw Alec hunched over beside my bed, his head in his hands, tugging at his hair. _

_Isabelle was beside him with a hand on his shoulder. She looked like she had been crying because her eyes were rimmed red and purple, her hair was a mess and she looked miserable. Mum walked into the room then, she whimpered when she saw me and collapsed into the chair beside me and grabbed my hand, stroking my knuckles with her thumb. She was looking at me sadly, " Jace honey, please wake up. Please!"_

_I didn't move a muscle as she laid her head down on the sheets beside my hand and closed her eyes and cried. Alec spoke up, " What did they say mum?"_

_She managed to drop out a few words, " He might not wake up"_

_Alec and isabelle started to cry now as well. The door opened and Kaelie walked in. her hair was in a messy bun and her eyes were red and puffy too. She put a hand on mum's shoulder for comfort but mum didn't move. didn't acknowledge her presence. Then Magnus walked in, his hair spiked up and gelled as usual, _

" _I can help him"_

_Mum looked at him like he was a freak, " How? How can you help him?"_

" _Im a medium" he said simply. Mum jumped up and hugged Magnus who looked shocked,_

" _Please Magnus. Do everything you can. The doctors said he might not wake up"_

" _I know, I overheard. I'll need some candles and no interruptions if its going to work"_

_Mum nodded and started looking around the room for candles, she found a couple in a box in the cupboards and Magnus locked the door. He set the candles up and looked at everyone crying, " Don't worry, I'll see if I can help him come back. Ill talk to him"_

_Mum nodded and then Magnus started saying my name, like he was calling me. _

Kaelie's brother let go of my hand and pushed me away gently. He stood beside Clary and smiled, " You have to go talk to Magnus"

" How?" I asked them.

" You don't have to do anything but talk Jace. You'll just appear with Magnus and then he will send you back here. We will be here to greet you when your finished"

I nodded as I felt like I was running and was pulled through the building by an invisible force. I went through pitch blackness and then I was in the hospital room. I saw everyone and I felt tears prick my eyes. The candles around the room shot up into bright orange flames and Magnus spoke, " He's here"

Everyone gasped as they watched Magnus, " Jace, give me a sign that you're here, in this room"

Could I pick up things? Touch people? I walked over to Alec and pinched him. He jerked back and looked at me and cursed. He couldn't see me though, he was just looking in the direction of where it had come from. Magnus chuckled, " He is definitely here"

I stood beside Alec as Magnus gave me instructions, " Okay Jace, I have your whole family here and they miss you, will you talk to them?"

" Yes", I said and the candles burned brighter, and Magnus smiled,

" That means a yes, he is willing to talk. Which of you wants to go first? You tell him something and ill tell you his response"

Everyone pointed to Alec and he stood up beside me, " Ill go"

Magnus nodded and told him to ask me something,

" Umm…. Whats it like there?"

Mum scowled and Isabelle snorted while I started talking and Magnus repeated everything word for word,

" He says its amazing there, there are people dressed in white and they have wings. The sky is blue and you can walk on the clouds. He says he Is with Clary and Kaelie's brother"

Kaelie smiled and everyone was trying to picture it in their heads. Isabelle stepped forward, " Jace, I know you said you wanted to die but please come back. Please"

I walked over to her and brushed her hair away from her face and she shuddered and looked terrified but Magnus said " Don't worry Isabelle, its just Jace"

She relaxed some more as I spoke, " Im coming back Izzy, I have to. Kaelie's brother said Magnus can help bring me back. Do you remember the train tracks?"

Magnus told her this and Isabelle smiled, " How can I forget it? that's when you actually spoke to any of us"

I smiled, " Well, Clary told me that she is my guardian and she cant let me die. She slowed down the train and made Alec tackle me into the dust and she has helped me live. Everything ive tried to do to myself, she has stopped me"

Magnus smiled as he told her this and Isabelle smiled warmly. Alec and mum did too. Then Magnus spoke to me again, " Jace, do you want my help to find your way back to this world?"

" Yes"

" Alright, Jace I demand you go back to Clary and say your final goodbyes. I am bringing you back"

I smiled as Magnus waved his hand in my direction as I felt wind push me. I was pushed back into a doorway and then back through the darkness and then I found myself sitting on the bed that Clary and I had been sitting only moments before. Just like they promised Clary and Kaelie's brother were standing there waiting for me. Clary hugged me, " Are you going back?"

I nodded as I hugged her back, " Magnus told me to say my final goodbyes"

I felt something wet fall onto my shoulder and figured she was crying. I held her closely. My hands in her hair and her hands around my waist. I let go and turned to Kaelie's brother, " I never got your name"

" Sam" he told me with a small smile on his face.

" Well, Sam. Thankyou for helping me, I appreciate it"

He nodded and walked out of the room, leaving me and Clary alone.

" Im going to miss you Jacey, I miss your eyes", she told me sadly.

" Please don't say it like that, its like your dying all over again. But ill miss you way more than you'll miss me Clary", she stood on her tiptoes and took my face in her hands.

" Ill still talk to you and help you. When you think your alone, I will be there. I will help you through whatever you need and ill give you advice when you need it. Our bond is so strong that when you go back, we'll still be able to communicate"

" What do you mean?", I asked her.

" Remember what Magnus said? You were only supposed to talk to me the first time but you were able to come into my world and we were able to kiss. Our bond is that strong and its really rare. Remember?…. Well, we will still be able to talk and touch and you'll be able to see me. Ill be real to you Jacey"

I smiled as she pulled my face down to hers and our lips met for the second time. Heat coursed through my veins as she kissed me slowly and sadly. It was a goodbye kiss. I felt my hair stand on end and she broke away from me and stared at me with tear glistening eyes, " Goodbye Jacey"

_**Remember to review please!:D**_


	14. Chapter 14

**Thankyou for the reviews:D I love you all and sorry if you expected more from this story but I had a horrible week so I didn't feel like writing at all but I ended up writing anyway…..**

" Goodbye Jacey", was all she said. She pulled me in for a hug and I felt my heart flutter. But it wasn't from the feelings I had for her, it was myself being dragged back to my body. Back to the real world, where people were waiting for me and crying for me to wake up.

My legs felt numb and the numbness was growing further and further up my body, it had reached my waist when Clary pulled away. Tears flowing down her cheeks and her eyes rimming red with grief of letting me go. For the second time.

Her face was the last thing I saw, as I was pulled through places. I felt invisible hands on me taking me back. I was surrounded by lush green grass and flowers and then utter darkness. It surrounded me and I felt lost. The force had abandoned me in this place where I could not see or make my way to anything. I looked around but all I saw was darkness.

Then a shimmering door popped up in front of me. It looked like a normal door, but it shimmered and sparkled bright colours. I reached out my hand to the doorknob and slowly twisted it, afraid of what I might see on the other side. As I opened the door, I realized it was a portal, from this darkness to my body and my family. I could clearly see everything in the room, I had this knowledge in my head, that when I stepped into the door, I would wake up in my body and if I didn't step through, I would stay in the darkness. I was in the place between worlds.

I don't know how I knew that, but I did. I looked through the door again, everyone was looking at me with hope in their eyes. But it was also mixed with fear, anticipation, longing and wonder. Fear, that Magnus had helped them with this, anticipation for waiting a while, longing at how much everyone missed me and wanted me back. For my golden eyes to snap open and say something sarcastic. And wonder because they had never seen, heard or experienced anything like this.

I smiled to myself as I lifted a foot off the ground and pushed it through the shimmering portal. The other foot followed soon after and then I opened my eyes.

The light was bright and painful so I closed them slightly, nobody had noticed I had come back yet and were all still staring at me. I saw my friends and family in the room.

" I know im stunning, but its rude to stare", I said in a hoarse whisper.

Everyone immediately jumped to attention and crowded around me, mum grabbed my hand and squeezed it tightly, " Jace? Is it really you?"

I smiled, " Yeah"

I still felt numb in my body when two nurses came in, they disconnected the tube sticking down my throat and fixed up my heart monitor and blood pressure when I spoke up. I looked towards mum, " Why am I in hospital?"

Her eyes immdeately glazed over with glistening tears, " You were dead Jace, and you've been in an unstable coma for about a week and a half"

" Whoa, really? An unstable coma for a week and a half? It only felt like an hour up there", I said. The nurses looked at me like I had given them a confession to a murder and then they beckoned mum outside for another one of those 'chats'.

Magnus rushed forward to my bedside, " I tried to bring you back but I couldn't. you were already gone. Im so sorry, this is all my fault"

" I know, I saw you trying. That was gross by the way, but there is nothing to be sorry for Mag, I stayed with Clary and Sam and they helped me and it was amazing up there. I did things with Clary, I had only dreamt about"

Magnus scrunched up his face, same with everyone else in the room, " Jace, you did not just have sex with a ghost"

" No!, I don't even know if that would work, but we didn't. ill just tell you later, somewhere more private", I told him and he simply nodded.

The nurses came in with mum. They stood at the end of my bed.

" Jace, you were pronounced dead for almost 25 minutes, the average person is usually dead at 4 minutes because of the lack of oxygen being pumped to the brain. That being said, you were technically dead for 25 minutes and as a result, you might have some brain damage. That is why you are talking about all this stuff that happened to you"

I frowned at them, " Im not making this all up, it was real"

They sighed, " Most mentally ill patients think what they are seeing or have seen or heard is real but its not. Its all in their head which is why, we will send you for a couple of brain scans tomorrow morning, just to see if your brain is functioning like it should"

" Im not a mentally ill patient, so stop saying I am. It was real and that is the truth. I don't need any brain scans, im fine", I told them, now getting irritated. I didn't like this. I didn't like being in a room surrounded by idiotic people who thought I was mentally ill. I was fine and normal. I didn't need any tests done or anything.

"We never said you were, we are just jumping to conclusions here, but your brain scans are final. We already made the appointment for 9am tomorrow morning", they told me. All I wanted was for them to get out.

" You mustn't be very good at your job then", I told them.

" Excuse me? Sir that is very rude and will not be tolerated", she seethed. Mum gasped at my words.

" Well, take me for example. You said I was dead for 25 minutes, tell me I was in an unstable coma for a week and a half and as soon as I come out of it, all I want Is to talk to my family and friends and make up for lost time. But you two nurses, barge in, make me very uncomfortable and start accusing me of shit and stress me out and make me angry. Nurses, are supposed to make their patients feel comfortable and happy but have you done any of that? No"

Everyone looked shocked, the nurses a bit angry, " I apologize for our rudeness and interruptions then sir, we will leave you with your family"

I smirked as they left and then when the door closed, I laughed. Mum gasped at me again and I looked over at Magnus, luke, Jordan and Sebastian to find them snickering and trying to hold in their laughter in the corner.

I eventually stopped laughing when the door opened a creak. A familiar man with bright blue eyes crept in, " Whats everyone laughing- Jace!"

He quickly shuffled over to me and smiled, " Your back, and alive"

I nodded, " Thanks for not giving up on me dad, you helped bring me back"

He smiled, " I would never give up on my son. Never"

I smiled while everyone was staring at us talking. Mum was looking at us with pride and warmth. We hardly ever had these moments and now after this big step in my life he was here and that's all that mattered. I had tried to get his attention over watching the football with him but he was too concentrated on the game to pay attention to me.

" Why arent you at work?", I asked him. He always worked, especially more lately because of a project he had to do. He had a deadline and if it wasn't finished, he would be fired.

" I took three weeks off", he told me smiling.

" What? But you cant, you had a deadline to finish. You'll be sacked", I told him, protesting.

" I know, but I told them what happened and they still wanted me to work, so Im basically taking time off without permission"

"But why?", I asked him.

" You're my son, who died and spent a week and a half in a coma. From now on, im going to spend more time at home with my kids"

" Thanks dad", I told him and he nodded.

o.0.o

Dad stayed the night, he refused to leave me alone here, after mum told him what I said to the nurses. It was dark and I was having trouble sleeping. My mind was wandering and thinking about the brain scans tomorrow. I didn't know how they were done, I didn't know if they would hurt or sting.

What if they did find something? What if did have brain damage? I would be shipped off a mental institute, in a confined room with sponged walls, a danger to myself and others. Talking to Clary in my moments of solitude.

I Must have been making some sort of noise because dad spoke up, " Trouble sleeping?"

" Yes"

" Whats on your mind?"

"The brain scans tomorrow", I told him and he sighed.

" What about them?"

" Im just worried, what if they find something? Like I have brain damage or something like that. What if they hurt?", I couldn't believe I was talking like this to my dad. He probably thought I was a coward now.

" Don't worry about it, they wont find anything but if they do, I wont let anything happen to you okay? They wont hurt, ill make sure of that, if they do I wont let you near them. Its okay to feel scared Jace"

" Okay…. Thanks"

He said something that was too low to hear and I slowly drifted into sleep. My eyes closed and my breathing evened. The beeping of the heart monitor beside me.

I was met by darkness behind my eyelids but that darkness, quickly mutated into images.

_Clary stood in front of me, she was wearing the same white dress with the golden belt wrapped around her waist. Her hair was up in a loose bun, her red curls hanging loose around her face, framing it and making it look like porcelain. She smiled at me and then walked over, talking. _

" _Nice work, with those nurses Jace. You showed them"_

" _Thanks, they were annoying me", I told her. _

" _I know, I felt it. I felt how annoyed you were and I was glad when you spoke up and it all left"_

" _You felt it?" I asked her confused. I thought that whatever happened to me happened to her, not with the emotions as well. _

" _Yeah, whatever happens to you happens to me as well remember? I can feel what your feeling, see what you see when I sleep, hear what you hear, everything"_

_I nodded and Clary spoke again, " Don't be scared of the brain scans, its okay. They just lay you down on a bed and push you into a tunnel and you look up into a mirror while they scan your brain, its just a small red light that skims over your head. Not painful at all, trust me"_

_I smiled, "Okay, thankyou Clary"_

" _All good, ill come to you if you want?", she asked me as a question._

_I nodded, " Thanks_

I woke up with a start in my bed, by the feeling of someone touching my hand. I quickly relaxed when I saw a blonde head. The scent of vanilla and strawberries assaulting my nostrils. Kaelie, I sat up and smiled at her and she returned the gesture.

" Umm.. The nurses told me… to come wake you", she said, she seemed to stutter as she spoke to me.

" Do I have to get up and walk around?", I asked her groggily.

" Yeah.. Sorry", she said hesitantly, pink spreading over her cheeks.

I smiled as she grabbed my hands and clutched them tightly and helped me up. I swung my legs over the edge of the bed and my toes hit the floor,

_Say something, make a move!_ clary's voice was in my head like a whisper. I perked up and sat tall, Kaelie noticed and asked if I was alright. I nodded as my toes tingled as they collected my weight as I stood up.

My legs collapsed, at impact. Only because I hadn't used my legs for a long time.

Kaelie helped me regain my balance, " Thanks", I said

_Try harder._

" You don't have to do this you know", I told her.

She smiled, " I owe you, it was my fault what happened and im repaying you, by being your nurse".

I looked at her as she led me down the corridors, so slowly.

" None of this was your fault Kaelie. I should of listened to Magnus more, to what I should expect and be wary of that. If its anyones fault, its mine", I told her.

" But it was me who suggested you go, I encouraged you to go. I should of come with you and helped you, I deserted you for my own selfish reasons"

" And I was the one who agreed to go. You weren't selfish for wanting to see Sam"

" How do you know his name?", she asked me. Shocked.

" I was with him too. He told me his name and helped me get back here, if it wasn't for him, I might still be there", I told her.

She nodded, " Was he okay?"

"I don't know what he looked like before he went up there but he looks healthy. Havent you seen him yet?", I asked her. I had assumed by the way she was so confident in making me go with magnus, she had been up to the stage where she could see him.

" No, but im close to it. Magnus says that maybe in a few weeks, I will be able to see him", she told me. We rounded a corner and she pushed open a door where nurses were waiting. They told me to lie down on a bed and stay still. Kaelie grabbed my hand, " It will be okay. You'll be fine"

I smiled and nodded. The nurse pushed her hand away from mine as she grabbed a belt like strap and wrapped it around my hand, I quickly jerked it back towards me, " What are you doing?!"

I had started to sit up but I felt Kaelie's soft hand on my chest. I looked up at her and was met by her mesmerising blue eyes. They were soft and full of concern. She was leaning over me with her left hand on my chest, gently pushing me back down. I allowed her and Kaelie took a deep breath, " Don't touch him! He wont get up and run away"

The nurses rolled their eyes as they pushed me into a white plastic tunnel. Kaelie smiled at me as she vanished from my line of sight. The bed came to a stop and I looked around. If I was claustrophobic, I would die. But fortunately I wasn't. I looked up and saw a small, rectangular mirror. All I could see in it was my eyes and nose.

I saw speakers beside my head and then a voice spoke, " Okay Jace, we are going to start now. Just relax"

I sighed as the tunnel lit up in a flash of dim red light. I heard rhythmic beeping and figured that was the machine working. I closed my eyes and clary's voice rang through my head.

_When your finished here Jace, I want you to hug her!_

I smiled, _I cant, It'd be weird._

_What would be weird about that exactly? _she asked me

_I just randomly hug her? What are you up to? _

_Who cares, she'll like it trust me. It might turn into something more than that, who knows. Im not up to anything, _she said mischievously

_I don't want it to turn into something more, I don't like her that way_

_Sure, you keep telling yourself that Jacey. You do like her, just remember, I feel what you feel and right now im feeling like I want to go back to that girl and wrap my arms around her and pull her close. Gosh, your making me feel like a lesbian_

I laughed, only Clary would say something like that,_ whatever you sick person. If I hug her will you stop this?_

_Ha! You wish jellyfish, I wont be satisfied until you are together and happy. _

_Fine, you win. Ill hug her when im back in my room, happy?_

_Yes!_

A beep went off and I was pulled from the illuminated red tunnel and back out into the white walled room, where two nurses were standing and Kaelie.

They told me to get back to my room and Kaelie took me by the arm to my prison cell for the next couple of days. One of the nurses followed, making sure I could walk for myself. When I had laid back down on my plain old bed, the nurse stood beside the bed while Kaelie stood on the other side.

" If we see anything indicating brain damage when the tests come back, we will be sending you for more tests and you will be given medication. But until then we will get to work on your physical therapy"

I groaned and she laughed, " Don't worry, its not anything stressful, just basic things"

For the next half an hour, I was forced to raise my arms, whirl them around in circles, lift my feet and do little exercises with my ankles and wrists and fingers. It was like I was learning everything from scratch and I felt like a child.

The nurse left shortly after that, writing stuff down on her notepad and strode out of the room looking happy and content. Kaelie stood back up and sat down on the edge of my bed, near my knee.

" They wont find anything like that, I promise", she told me. I already knew that though, I wasn't worrying about what they might find anymore. I didn't care. If they found something, they found something, if they didn't, oh well.

I felt something like a tingling sensation run down my spine and Clary's voice fell in my head, _now!_

I felt like she was forcing me. Like she was raising my arms wide and wrapping them around Kaelie. I was surprised when she allowed me to pull her close and she fell into my arms lightly and hugged me tightly. Her hands coming around my back and clinging to my shoulders tightly, fisting the soft material of the hospital gown I had to wear.

I felt electricity course through my veins and as I looked down, I saw a bright light, beaming from between our bodies. It was a mixture of greens, purples, blues and yellows. We both pulled back at the same time to marvel at this ball of light that floated between us. It shimmered and sparkled as it separated and then half dashed into Kaelie and the other half into me. Clary's voice came back, _told you, your in love with her. you've moved on_

I was confused, what do you mean?

_that's the ball of light, that represents love. Only people who have guardians like you can have it. You have it, your in love with her._

_**Soo?….. REVIEW PLEASE!:D:D:D:D**_


	15. Chapter 15

_**On Sunday afternoon, while I was on the internet I learned that my friends dad had died. He had been hit by a truck on his motorbike, his funeral is next Monday. He had four kids, two of which will never know their dad. He loved his kids more than anything and his daughter is now in grief. Can I get 11 reviews for the years they spent together please? **_

I was in love with Kaelie. But I couldn't be. I loved Clary, not Kaelie. I had only just met her.

Kaelie and I raised our heads to look at each other with wonder at what had just happened. But our silence was interrupted by Magnus coming into the room. We jerked apart like we had been caught smoking weed or something and Magnus noticed, " Did I interrupt something here?"

We both shook our heads, "Nope"

" Alright then, well… I want to know what happened with you and Clary" he said, sitting on the edge of my bed and putting his head in his palms, looking like a sarcastic little girl. His eyelashes blinking hard and fast.

Kaelie got up, " I'll leave you two alone to talk", she smiled and waved as she walked out of the door. Leaving me with the talking doll.

Magnus cleared his voice, " Come on. Spill your beans. I want to know this!"

I smiled, "Okay fine. We kissed. Twice"

He smiled, " Really? You got you kiss with Clary, what was it like?"

I sighed, " Amazing. It was like nothing`` ive ever seen. There were these little fireworks around the room exploding and lighting up the room"

Magnus looked confused, " I've never heard of that happening before. I don't like not knowing this'

" Well, you cant know everything Mag. Its not normal", I said smiling.

" True but since when have I been normal?"

I laughed, " You got me there"

There was a pause in Magnus voice as he spoke, " What happened between you and Kaelie before?"

" Nothing we just hugged" I told him. I was telling the truth, the half truth.

" Are you sure? You guys both looked confused, like lost little bunnies" he said smiling.

" Well, there was this ball of light that shot up between us. It was glowing and then It split in half and went into both of us"

Magnus pinched his nose, " You're an idiot"

I frowned, " Why?"

He started laughing, " You are in love with her"

" How? I only just met her like a week ago. that's the second time ive heard that today" I told him. Why did everyone keep saying that?

" Well that ball of light that you say went into you both was a sign that she doesn't like you, she loves you. She would do anything for you even if it meant dying. You would do the same. Except cause you're a guy, it would be to more extreme measures. It doesn't matter how long you've known each other, think about it. In the first hour of knowing each other, you told her about Clary and what she did and how you felt about her. She told you bout her brother and she took you to me. Who else has told you this?"

I looked at him, " Whatever man. But clary told me"

" Like as in when you were In the coma?" he asked me, looking bewildered and amazed.

" No, like as in just before. When we pulled apart" I told him, hoping I didn't sound like a freak.

" Wow, that's new. Your not supposed to be able to communicate with her at all without me around. Can you talk to other dead people?"

" No, only Clary" I told him again.

He nodded and rubbed his lip, playing with his lip piercing, " I am going to do some research. Thanks Jace!"

I nodded and smiled as I flopped back down onto the white hospital bed. I closed my eyes, exhausted from everything that happened that morning. I dreamt of nothing but blackness.

o.0.o

When I woke up, I was surrounded by family and friends. I sat up and frowned, " What time is it?"

" Its 8am" Jordan told me.

" But I fell asleep at like 1pm"

" Exactly, its Sunday now" he told me smiling.

I smiled and nodded, rubbing my eyes. Realizing they were all still looking at me, I stopped and looked at everyone, " Why are you all staring at me like that?"

Mum sat down on my bed, " The brain scans came back this morning"

" And?" I asked, preparing for the words that would change my life.

" They found nothing, your all good. But the nurses are still confused as to why your speaking to someone who isn't there"

" She is here. You all saw Magnus bring me back, you know that I can talk to Clary now"

They nodded, ' We know, its just the nurses don't and they are trying to find an explanation like all logical people"

I rolled my eyes and they caught on a pair of blue eyes looking at me. Kaelie. I smiled and she smiled back, red blush spreading over her cheeks and she dropped her gaze to the floor.

_Can you ask her out already? She wants you bad Jacey._

I silently said no in my mind. Of course she wanted me, all girls did. I saw Alec shiver suddenly and then rub his arm. He looked around him in fear. Everyone stared at him as he started laughing hysterically and squirming away from something. I knew it was Clary. Then I saw Kaelie stand up and she was trying to jerk her wrist away from something. She looked like she was being pushed forward now from behind. She looked scared and then something tripped her and she landed face down on my stomach.

_Your welcome_

God, Clary was not going to give up. Kaelie quickly regained her balance on her own two feet, looking behind her for the thing that had pushed her. But nothing was there, only I knew what had pushed her. She was blushing furiously and quickly turned around to hide it, but everyone had seen it. My friends chuckled in the corner and Kaelie frowned and then left the room. I swung my legs over the side, like I had boundless energy to spare, but I didn't. I just wanted to see if she was okay.

I stalked out of the room, earning surprised stares from everyone in the room. But Magnus, he just smirked. I found Kaelie sitting in one of the square chairs at the end of the hallway, staring at her feet, her hands crossed in her lap. She looked up when I came and then she jumped up, " Jace. What are you doing? You should be resting!"

I moved so I was facing her, her back was against the wall leaning on it. I spoke, " I just came to see if you were okay"

She smiled, " Yes, im fine. Don't worry about me, you should be worrying about yourself. Go back to bed. You look tired"

" Im not leaving until you tell me why your so upset. You didn't do anything wrong, it wasn't your fault you fell. It was Clary" I told her and she looked at me and sighed,

" I like you okay. Maybe even love you. Make fun of me all you want, I don't really care", she told me. I parted my lips and looked at her like she was an angel. Like I used to look at Clary.

_Kiss her!_ clary shouted it at me, my ears ringing from the shout.

I stretched out my hand and cupped her cheek, my thumb on her earlobe and my fingers in her hair I pushed her up against the wall and brought my lips down to hers. They tasted like chocolate and strawberries. But I also felt a much stronger feeling than I had felt when I kissed Clary. Electric shocks shot through my lips and down my spine, making me hasten the pace.

I had the feeling of butterflies in my stomach as I felt her hands around my neck, lacing through my hair and tugging gently on the small golden curls.

I pulled away hesitantly, letting my lips linger on hers and then resting my forehead on hers, " I love you" I whispered.

_**This chapter took me forever! But please don't forget to review!:D**_


	16. Chapter 16

_**Thanks for the reviews, as always they are appreciated and keep them coming!:D**_

Our foreheads together, we stood there for a moment. Breathing on each others lips and letting the kiss linger on our lips for a moment. I knew right there and then that this would not be out of my head for a long time. I felt the urge to kiss her again and again. Like taking marijuana. I needed more all the time and could never get enough of it. It made me high and happy.

My thoughts were interrupted as my name was called from the hospital room. I realised my body was still pressed against hers, pinning her to the wall and I moved away. Looking towards the hospital room I only saw a blurry figure. I squinted my eyes to focus but then my name was called again in a frantic way and I felt arms loop around me as I fell to the ground. Closing my eyes, I had fainted.

My body had been dead for a week and it needed time to recover. To get everything working like it used to but I had pushed it. Kissing Kaelie I had sped up my heart rate and made everything work harder than it should at this point in recovery time. I had pushed it to the extreme and I had paid for it.

o.0.o.

I woke up later hooked up to the all machines again. I felt a bit dizzy but that was it. I heard shuffling and I turned to see Kaelie standing beside me, looking down and smiling.

" Ill go get your family", she said as she turned to leave. I shot out my hand and grabbed her wrist.

" No, don't get them. Just… stay here", I told her. Releasing her wrist from my grasp. She sat on the edge of the bed and smiled.

" Why?" she asked me, not looking at me though.

" I don't want them here. I think I can only handle only one person right now"

She nodded and I knew she understood.

We sat there in silence for a minute until she spoke, " Why did you do that yesterday?"

"Do what? I did a lot of things yesterday", I said smiling. I knew exactly what she was talking about, I just wanted to hear her say it.

"Kiss me", she said in a little voice. She was still thinking about it, like it had changed her world.

" I told you why" I said, almost laughing. But she didn't seem to think it was funny.

" So when you said it, you actually meant it?, it wasn't just the moment?", she asked, knitting her eyebrows together in a concentrated frown.

" Yes, I meant it" I told her and she looked at me and smiled and I smiled back.

" This is the part where you say 'oh so are we together now?' and I would answer yes or as Edward Cullen puts it : your mine" I told her smiling.

" Are you referring to yourself as a sparkly vampire? Because Im not allowed to date guys who sparkle in the sun and want to eat me" she said laughing.

"Okay, ill be a buff werewolf" I said smirking and she just laughed.

Before Kaelie could say something, the door opened and my head shot to it. I saw black hair and glasses. _great!_

Simon came in with a card and a little thing of flowers. What the hell?

He put them down, " Hey Jace. Everyone signed that card for you"

I turned to him, looking him straight in the eye, " I just wanted to see if you were okay"

"Your not the person who does just want to do that. What are you really here for?", I asked him. Raising my voice a bit. I felt my heart speed up. Kaelie put a hand on my chest and looked at me concerned. " I know" I whispered.

" Okay look. I thought we could talk about what happened and what should have been. I am sorry about what happened and I wish I could of changed it but it's the past now and I want to forget"

I frowned. God he was such a jerk. Even when he was trying to apologize, " You were a dick to her. You caused what she did and she was my best friend. How can you possibly expect me to forgive you? You might be one of many who want to forget about her but I sure as hell don't. I will never forget her Simon and for someone who caused her death and dated her you should not be forgetting either"

" I'll admit now, that she would have been better off with you Jace. This wouldn't of ever happened. I never said I wanted to forget about her, I wanted to forget about what happened. She is a bit hard to forget if you ask me" he said with a smirk on his face.

I sat up in my bed and Simon jumped back. The room was spinning before my eyes. I had moved to fast. " You admit that now when she is gone?! Why couldn't you of seen that before? Before she called me crying and before she touched that knife! Get the fuck out of here Simon, im done talking to you" I told him.

He looked at me and then nodded and walked out of the room. The room still spinning, my heart still racing I laid back against the pillows while Kaelie gripped my hand warmly.

" I take it that's Simon Lewis?" she asked and I simply nodded.

" Seems like a little bitch", she told me and I stared at her in shock. I had never heard a girl say those words in a sentence like that before.

o.0.o'

Three weeks later I had made a speedy recovery and was sent home. I couldn't do any extreme running or full on sport like I used to for at least a week and I definitely couldn't push myself.

I had gone with Kaelie to meet her parents since she had already met mine. They were really nice people and were really approving. They liked me and her dad even said I could stay there.

When I went back to school I found that the school dance was only two weeks away. There was posters everywhere. The theme was Winter Wonderland since it was coming on winter.

I was going with Kaelie obviously. She was the only girl that wasn't obsessing over it. I wasn't allowed to see her shopping for dresses. Her mum said it was bad luck even though it wasn't a wedding.

o.0.o

Night of the dance, the girls had gone home early to prepare. When I got home Alec was standing in front of the mirror tying up his tie. He was wearing a black tux with a long black tie. He was going with Magnus. I could only imagine what Magnus would show up in, " Alec, you are going to look unbearably plain next to Magnus"

"I know. He sent me a picture of himself. Wanna see?" he asked me and I nodded. This would be good.

He showed me a picture on his phone and there was Magnus. Standing in front of a mirror in a black glittery jacket with a bright yellow tie. Black jeans and sparkly yellow converses. His hair obviously had to match. Black gelled up spikes with bright yellow dyes. I just had to laugh at the expression on his face. He was laughing obviously and on the mirror in lipstick he had written _IM SEXY AND I KNOW IT!_

Alec and I laughed and then I had to go to get dressed. I emerged into the lounge room with Alec and he gasped, " You presented well Jace. Magnus will approve"

I laughed. I had dressed in a black undershirt with a black jacket. Dark jeans and shoes. I had Kaelies corsage and mine. Her mum had given it to me at school. They were white roses. Mine would clip into my jackets pocket and hers would clip around her wrist as a bracelet.

A car horn went off outside and I turned to Alec, " Magnus organised our ride" he told me.

I frowned, " It better not be a pink limo", he had been joking about that forever.

I expected to see a pink Hummer limo but instead my eyes landed on a neon yellow hummer stretch limo. " Holy"

And Alec stepped out and finished my sentence, " Shit!"

We got in the limo, Magnus would be picked up first obviously because he was closer and he would be ready by now. I sat facing Alec, " Everything has to match with that boyfriend of yours doesn't it?"

Alec laughed and nodded. We started to drive and soon arrived at Magnus' house. Alec jumped out to get him, looking nervous.

I saw Magnus come out of the house and kiss my brother. It was gross, there was tongue and touching and everything. Magnus got into the car and sat across from me while Alec sat near the door.

" You look irresistible Jacey!" he told me, smiling and motioning towards me.

" Too bad im not your type huh?" I asked him smirking.

" Oh honey. Everyone's my type! Comes with being a bi medium" he laughed.

" Oh my god! I have a chance with glitter boy here Alec" I told him and Magnus just laughed further.

Just then we pulled up again. Outside Kaelie's house. I got out and Magnus stopped me, " Prepare for a million pictures"

I shrugged and walked up to the front door, before I could even knock Kaelie's mum opened the door and pulled me in by the hand,

" Yayy! You're here now! isn't this exciting?!"

I laughed, " Yes, you seem very excited"

She laughed, " I am. My god I cant wait to see your face when she comes down those stairs"

I smiled at her and then waited patiently for her to come down. I heard a door open and then that smell of perfume assaulted me. I was itching with impatience waiting for her to come down. But then she did. She brushed her fringe away from her eyes and smiled at me. I smiled back as she took my breath away.

She was wearing an elegant long white dress. It stopped at her knees but the back transformed into a train that touched the ground. Her shoes were silver high heels and she wore her hair curled around her shoulders. I stared at her with my mouth open. She smiled as she took her place beside me, " Close your mouth Jace. You'll catch flies"

I smiled and a flash went off. We both turned to Kaelie's mum. " Come on, pose for the camera"

o.0.o

10 minutes later, a hundred flashes and a thousand smiles we had gotten into the yellow limo. Magnus whistled, " You look amazing darling!" he exclaimed. She smiled,

" Thankyou, you look more amazing though!" she told him and he just blushed.

We arrived at the dance, the blasting of music already in my ears. People were gathered at the front door of the gym. I grabbed Kaelie's hand and she gripped it tightly. Alec and Magnus went off and straight to the dance floor.

I walked Kaelie over to the wooden floor in a cluster of bodies. We danced for a little while, I never took my eyes off of her as we danced.

She looked beautiful in the dim blue light that surrounded us.

_Arent you glad now that I intervened?_ Clary's voice sounded throughout my head.

I silently said yes and thankyou.

_No problem, im just so happy looking at you right now. When your finished here, do not go to the after party. Go right home and live the Prom dream. She is nervous about it. Look at her._

I could see she was nervous as she was a bit clumsy. Her hands were shaking slightly and she bit her lip every now and then. Prom night was supposed to be the night couples lost their virginities if they still had it or they did it anyway. I wasn't a virgin but I didn't like taking other peoples away from them. You could see the pain written all over their face and then they called you a jerk and dumped you. This would be different, all those other girls I had been with I hadn't really cared for like I did for Kaelie.

I bent down and kissed her lips softly, " Don't be nervous"

She smiled and I could see her relax slightly, just as the microphone was tapped and a voice was cleared. Ms Belcourt stood at the podium, a small pillow on the top with two crowns. Prom king and Queen.

" You all look lovely tonight students and I hope you enjoy the rest of the night, but here is the climax of this event. Prom king and Queen!" she announced and the crowd of students broke out in a cheer and the girls looked dreamily at the crowns.

" Well lets get down to business. The Prom king nominees are: Jordan Kyle", I clapped with everyone else as he walked up onto the stage with a smile on his face. "Magnus Bane", my brothers glittery boyfriend left his side and joined Jordan on stage with a grin plastered on his make up filled face. " And last but not least, our amazing young gun, Jace Lightwood!"

She called my name. my name. for prom king. Kaelie laughed and pushed me up the stage. People clapped and cheered like I really was a king. I took my place on stage with Jordan and Magnus. We were all laughing asking how we all got nominated for this position.

" And now Ladies, Prom queen nominees are : Aline Penhallow", hardly anyone cheered. Everyone knew about what she had done with Simon. " Helen Blackthorne" and more people cheered. The waitress from Veselka's. " And a new addition to the growing mass here at this school, Kaelie Branwell (**I didn't know what her last name was so I just used Charlottes)**

I stared out over the crowd and saw my beautiful girl walk up to the stage and take her place next to Helen. I saw them whispering and then all the students started to cheer. For all the nominees.

" And our Prom king is…." suspense hung in the air as every single bated breath waited for the answer until they would cheer and and scream uncontrollably until everyone was allowed to slow dance together.

" Jace Lightwood!" Ms Belcourt said. I was the prom king for our senior year. Jordan and Magnus pushed me forward towards the two girls that were holding the crown. They put it onto my head and I smiled at them, blush spreading over their cheeks. People cheered loudly for me. I heard Alec's voice above all of them.

" And your Prom queen for this evening is…." Ms Belcourt unfolded a silver piece of paper and smiled, " Kaelie Branwell!"

_A sign Jacey. That you were meant for each other._ clarys voice spoke

Kaelie took her crown and smiled. She stood next to me and Clary's voice was in my head, chanting kiss like she was a whole body of people shouting it. I put my hands on her cheeks and she stood tall as I brought my lips down to hers and kissed her softly. The crowd erupted in a deafening reverberation of applause and cheering and whistles.

I smiled and let go of Kaelie's cheeks. She looked up at me and smiled wide.

" The Prom King and Queen will now share their first dance together" Ms Belcourt said giving us enough time to make it down into the crowd of people that surrounded us in a circle. I smiled down at her as the music started and I took her hand in mine and the other rested on her hip. She lightly put her hand on my shoulder as our bodies started to sway with the music.

She looked up at me, her eyes shining, " Everyone's staring at us" she whispered.

I smiled, " They are supposed to, just wait two seconds and they'll all leave and dance with us"

She smiled warmly and like I said the crowd broke away and started to dance. " Told you" Kaelie laughed.

The lights sparkled and lights were sent in a circle with the dim blue. Kaelie's dress seemed to glow in the light and made her look even more amazing.

Standing here, she changed position and looped her arms loosely around my neck, I put mine around her waist and pulled her close.I brought my lips down on hers and kissed them. Silent firecrackers exploded throughout my body and I felt like it was a dream.

Tonight felt like a dream but it was real and a life changing event in my life. Tonight was the night everything would take a turn for the absolute better.

_**Well this story only has like two more chapters left to it. So make this story well known and review and express your love for it:D **_


	17. Chapter 17

_**Hello! Okay so this is the second last chapter to this story and at the end if I have enough reviews I will put something really amazing into the last chapter… so if you want it : REVIEW!**_

_**I apologize in advance for scenes but I find it really awkward to write that….**_

The night was coming to a close and people were starting to leave. It was 10pm and the after party was starting. I didn't know whether to go or go straight home with her.

" Do you want to go?", I asked her and she looked at me and smiled.

" Not really. Lets go somewhere", she said with a seductive look on her face masked with a smile.

I wrapped my arm around her shoulder and pulled her into me. She automatically wrapped both her arms around my waist as we started to walk away from the school.

" Where are we going?", she asked me.

I shrugged, " I thought you knew where we were going!"

She laughed, " Not my house, my parents are home"

I shook my head, " My house then, nobody will be home"

She laughed again as we changed direction quickly and started the short walk to my house. True to my word, there was nobody home. The house looked dark and deserted. I led her up the front door and grabbed the key from under the mat, " Forget that's there, you could come back later and break in"

She laughed as I unlocked the door and pushed in. as soon as the door closed behind me, I pushed Kaelie against the wall, staring down at her while she looked up at me with complete trust. I felt her hands loop around my neck and her fingers lace through the curls at the back of my neck and travel up through my golden strands. My hands furled around her waist and pulled her close.

" I love you", I whispered and she whispered it back. I smiled and brought my lips down on hers.

The firecrackers came back and numbed my body right down to my toes. I felt like this was all some sort of scene in a movie. It didn't feel real, like I was standing here with this girl in front of me. Kissing her right after we had both won the titles of the night.

I shrugged off my jacket and Kaelie's hands ran down my arms, squeezing my biceps and then resting on my shoulders. I stepped out of my shoes and Kaelie did the same. Without thinking twice we made our way to the bedroom where we sat on the bed.

Without breaking the now deep and urging kiss I started to unbutton my shirt but Kaelie stopped me, taking the buttons into her own hands and unbuttoned it slowly. Letting her fingers touch the bare skin underneath as she worked her way to the bottom. When I felt the buttons come loose, I threw my shoulders back a little and let the thin shirt fall off my back and onto the floor. Kaelie stopped kissing me for a moment as her eyes fell to my body.

Her eyes scanned over my chest, and her eyes settled on my stomach. She reached out and touched them, letting her cold fingers ghost the hot skin and then her fingers came to rest on a scar. " What happened?"

I looked at it and then back at her, " I was stabbed"

She looked close to tears, " What crazy dick would do that to your perfect abs?"

I laughed, " The little bitch", I told her laughing and she smiled,

" You remembered"

" Of course I do. That was funny" I told her and she just laughed and kissed me deep and fast. She grabbed my hands and put them around her and they instantly found her dress zipper and started to undo it. The dress fell and Kaelie tossed it to the other side of the room. I took a moment to look at her. In her skin coloured bra and undies, she looked at me and brushed hair out of her face. She was perfect.

_Tell her she is beautiful, _clary told me.

I was going to anyway, " Your so beautiful"

She smiled and then moved herself and I felt her hands on my pants. She was unzipping the jeans and she was looking at me biting her lip. The zipper came down and I pushed them off. Kaelie looped her arms around my neck and pulled me down onto the pillows. Her legs wrapped around my waist and I fell onto her frame. Our bodies moulded together in a comfortable position.

We undressed ourselves further until our bare bodies started to move together. I realised she wasn't a virgin, " Your not a virgin"

She stopped kissing me, " Ive had boyfriends before Jace. Like you've had girlfriends"

" Good" I told her and she just smiled,

" Your one of those guys" she said with a slight mischievous smile.

" One of what guys?" I asked her confused.

" The type of guy that is a complete player, but who doesn't like to hurt people, you don't like taking people's innocence away from them because you cant bear to see the pain on their face afterwards" she said to me.

I just nodded, " How did you guess that?"

" The relief in your voice when you said that I wasn't a virgin. I pick up on these things" she said laughing.

I laughed with her and then started to kiss her again, her lips, her neck, her shoulder and her collarbone.

This lasted the whole night until we were too tired and exhausted to continue. She fell asleep on my chest and I eventually dozed off with my arm around her shoulders.

o.0.o

I woke up the next morning to someone laughing outside. A girly laugh. I squinted my eyes and saw Kaelie was still in my arms, fast asleep. That only left one other girl : Isabelle.

I saw the door creak open a bit and black hair fall through, her pink face and then squealing laughter and the door slammed shut. But she was too stupid to notice she had closed her hair in the door. She let out a pained scream and re opened the door. Kaelie stirred and opened her eyes and I started to laugh.

Kaelie's eyes raked over my body, " You look sexy with bed hair"

I laughed, " I look sexy all the time"

" I know but its just more sexier when you wake up", she replied biting her lip softly as she moved and kissed my lips. Slowly but deep and hard. I pressed her body up against mine tightly, feeling her hot skin against mine.

Her fingers tangled in my hair and her nails lightly scratched my neck. I moaned quietly and she did the same as I touched her.

She straddled me and we started all over again. This time only doing it until we both reached our climax and fell back onto the bed. Cradling her into my arms, she whispered " Do you think anybody heard us?"

I shook my head. She grabbed my arm and went to put it on her shoulder but a long, white almost silver shining scar caught her eye. She ghosted the scar tissue with her delicate fingers, " What happened here?"

" Nothing. Its not important", I told her but I could tell she wasn't convinced. But she didn't continue asking about it. She knew it was obviously a tender subject as to why the scar was so long and why it was there so she didn't ask twice.

She smiled and kissed my chest as I held her tightly.

o.0.o

Later that morning we had been laying in each others arms for at least an hour now. I was becoming stiff like an old man with arthritis from staying in the same position for a long time.

Kaelie got up and put on her bra and undies and then started to throw on her dress again. I stopped her, " Come on, don't wear that, it'll look weird'

" But I have nothing else to wear. Unless I strut around in my undies all day", she told me smiling.

I sighed, " As much as I would love for you to, not everybody will appreciate it. Im sure I have some clothes for you. Or Isabelle"

She smiled at me, " Thanks. Ill wash them and give them back"

I shook my head, " Don't worry about that"

She shrugged as I walked over to the closet, starch naked.

" Nice ass", I heard Kaelie say behind me.

I turned around and smiled, " Thanks, you have a nice ass too"

She blushed as I got out an old t-shirt and handed it to her. She smiled and said thanks and slipped it over her head. It came down to her knees like a dress.

She stood up and I grinned, " I Like you in my shirt"

As soon as we got out the door I heard giggling. Isabelle.

" What?", I asked her. But I knew she knew what we had been doing.

" You might want to keep your door locked couples with a nice ass", she said smirking. Kaelie stiffened beside me and I looked down at her to see her blushing like a hot plate. Isabelle laughed.

" Oh yeah? You might want to check all your hair is out of the door _before_ you close it and run off", I said smirking.

It was Isabelle's turn to blush and she turned around muttering something. I started to laugh and Kaelie did too.

o.0.o

Driving Kaelie home was something I didn't want to do. I wanted to hold her in my arms and kiss those delicate pink lips of hers all day. But her parents wanted her home. As soon as we got into the car, she grabbed my arm lightly, " So, you never told me what happened here?", she said. Ghosting the long white scar on my forearm.

I sighed, " Well, I did it shortly after her death"

" You did that to yourself?", she asked sounding more horrified with each detail I gave her.

I simply nodded and she moved closer and kissed my cheek, " I know how you felt"

I turned to her and she showed me her lower stomach, near her hip. A shining silver scar lined the bone. How had I not noticed that?

She touched it lightly, " I did the same"

I smiled sadly, " Lets both promise to never do that again. Promise?"

She nodded and I did too. Never again would we draw our own blood or bruise our own skin. A promise is a promise.

She held my hand as I drove. We turned the corner and up her driveway and came to stop right before a red, angry face of Kaelie's father….

_**Next chapter is the last chapter! Please review and show how much you have liked this story from the beginning. Through Jace's cloud of misery to his shining new life with Kaelie.**_

_**Why do you think Kaelie's dad is angry?**_


	18. Chapter 18

_**Thanks to OxshaunaxO for her amazing ideas:D oh! Listen to Justin Bieber as long as you love me. I listened to it while writing this.**_

Kaelie grasped my hand, " Don't worry about him Jace"

I looked at her and smiled. This was the first time I had ever seen a dad of a girl look this angry. I was not used to driving a girl home the next day and coming face to face with her very angry father. I didn't know how I should handle the situation. It was new and unfamiliar.

Kaelie let go of my hand and opened the car door. Her dad ran over to her and grabbed her wrist, " Where have you been?"

She motioned with her hand to me, turning her head to look at me, " With my boyfriend"

Her dad looked over to me and the look he gave me scared me. A look that told me he didn't want Kaelie to grow up. He wanted her to be his little girl the rest of his life. He didn't want her to have a boyfriend, he didn't want her to lose her virginity.

I remained silent as I stood my ground. I heard them start to talk again, " Kaelie go inside, while I have a talk to this boy"

Kaelie started to protest, " But-"

" No buts Kaelie! Get inside now", her dad shouted at her and I saw the hurt in her eyes as they glazed over with tiny tears. She looked at me and I nodded, giving her a reassuring smile that I would be fine. She turned her back to me and went inside the house. Once the door was closed, her dad walked over to me.

" Who do you think you are? Taking my little girl home and sleeping with her without telling us where she was?", he asked me.

" Im sorry for that-" I started to say but he cut me off. Rude!

" You don't get to sleep with my daughter and then bring her home the next day and say your sorry. I want you to leave this family alone, including Kaelie and never come back", he started to leave but I stopped him.

I was not going to let him say that I couldn't see Kaelie anymore. She saved my life, she was the light in the end of the tunnel of my misery. Without her I might be dead by now.

" I love her", I told him as he turned around.

" Sure you do. Just by looking at you I can tell you're a player. You don't care for her. Your just looking for sex and that's it. You don't care if you hurt her or make her cry. One day you'll drop her and go for another girl and act like nothing ever happened", he told me and turned around again and started to walk inside.

" Im not going to stop seeing her. I love her and im not letting her go that easily", I told him defiantly.

" Im her father and she will listen to me. You will stop seeing her if I have to keep her locked up here", and with that he opened the door and walked in.

" You might be the boss of her but your not the boss of me!" I shouted as the door slammed and I heard the combination of yelling and crying. The yelling was both of them but the crying belonged to Kaelie. It pained me to hear her crying and I could do nothing about it. I then heard a smash from inside and my instincts told me to go check on her. I knocked on the door and Kaelie stood there, her mascara running down her face like a black waterfall.

" Its okay. I.. think you just need to go", she said in a shaky voice.

I took a step forward and tried to wrap her in a hug to try and reassure her and make her feel better but she put a hand on my chest lightly pushing me back.

" Please….. Just go", she told me as she looked down at the ground, waiting for me to leave.

"Come on, you don't mean that", I said to her. She would never tell me to leave like this. Her dad must be making her do it.

" Im sorry Jace, I do mean it. You need to leave. Now", she still wasn't looking at me. She looked so upset and broken, her dad yelling couldn't possibly do that to her. What else had he done?

" Why wont you look at me? Look me in the eye and tell me to leave", I told her demandingly.

Right then she flashed her eyes up at me. The smudged mascara around her eyes made the blue stand out like a gem. They glazed over again as she threw a piece of paper at me, that looked like a photograph, " I want you to leave. Right now!"

With that, she slammed the door in my face, it was loud like it would crack. I stood there for a second in shock and confusion. What just happened?

I looked down at the photo at my feet and saw it was crumpled. I scooped it up in my hands and straightened it. I almost crumpled into a heap of rage when I looked at it.

No wonder she was so upset like that.

I stood straight instantly and started to pound on her door like my life depended on it.

" Kaelie, please! You know I would never do that to you! I don't do that sort of thing. Come on, please let me talk to you. Its not what It looks like"

I knew she was leaning against the door because It was shaking with her crying, " Go away Jace"

I leant against the door miserably, " If you wont see me again, just know that I will always love you"

The door shook some more and I heard her crying on the other side. I pushed off the door and walked slowly over to the car. Holding the photo in my hand tightly, I started the engine and drove out onto the street.

Kaelie didn't know that this photo was taken two years ago. The photo was of me and my ex girlfriend Tessa…..Kissing.

_**Nawww! Poor Jace. Who would do that to him? Please review**_


	19. Chapter 19

_**Sorry for the wait! I really didn't feel like writing anything….. **_

_**And you can play : Without you, by David Guetta feat. Usher**_

I pulled the car up into my own driveway, and turned it off. Complete silence filled my ears, I heard nothing at all. The perfect time to think. I stared at absolute nothing for what seemed like hours. Who would do this? Would Kaelie stop and listen to me explain?

Sure I cared for Tessa, like any normal guy would care for their girlfriend, but I didn't love her, love her. Not like I loved Kaelie. She brought out feelings in me that I thought only Clary could achieve. I cared about her, more than humanly possible. I would take a million bullets for her in a heartbeat, I would get myself run over a thousand times. Would she let me talk to her again?

I looked beside me at the empty car seat where Kaelie once sat, where she grabbed my hand and reassured me about her dad. Where she sat smiling and laughing just moments before. The sounds of her crying rang through my ears. The feeling of leaning against the door as it shook with tears and sadness from the girl on the other side who didn't know what to think.

My gaze fell to the fluttering piece of scrunched up paper hanging out of the compartment. I reached out and took it in my fingers, smoothing it out slightly, I felt a burning angry flame inside of me, tickling my sides and singeing it slightly. I put my fingers at the top of the photo and tore a clean line straight down the middle, scrunching up Tessa's half in the process. I threw it outside the car window and then punched the steering wheel in front of me. Pain shot up my knuckles but I didn't pay any attention to it.

I pictured Kaelie's face when she told me to leave. When she told me never to see her again. When she looked me straight in the eye and said it to my face. Her blue eyes almost glowing with the amount of tears that would not fall. I heard the crack in her voice when she said it. I scrambled in my pocket for my phone and called her. It rang for what seemed like a thousand years and then I got her voicemail. In that voice of hers that could keep me intent on listening to it for days at a time. A voice that I could never get tired of hearing. I pressed the red button and changed it to a text, the lump in my throat rising and growing bigger as I swallowed. What if she never wanted to see me again?

I pressed send and sat there clutching my phone in my hands tightly, awaiting a reply. My text was : _kaelie, please don't shut me out, I love you and you don't understand. I know you think I cheated on you, but I would never do that. Its not my thing.. To cheat on people. That picture was taken two years ago. I never loved her like I love you right now. Please forgive me and talk to me…_

A soft tap rattled the window of the car, making me jump and drop my phone at my feet. I cussed and bent down to pick it up, clutching it again and looking at the window. Alec's face stared back at me. His blue eyes shining brightly, reminding me of Kaelie. I felt the lump rising again and I swallowed, closing my eyes at the same time and then reopening them again. Alec tapped again more urgently this time. I sighed as I opened the door and stepped out.

Alec bent down and picked up the fluttering piece of photograph on the driveway that I wished would burn in hell, "What happened?"

I gave him my half of the picture and he pieced it together, " Did you cheat on her?!", he just about screamed.

I hushed him, " Shutup, or the whole neighbourhood can hear you. But no, I didn't cheat on her. You know me, I would never do anything like that, that was two years ago"

He frowned, " So why is It coming up now?"

I shook my head, " I don't know, but Kaelie thinks I cheated. She told me to leave her alone and she wont answer my calls or texts. What am I going to do?", I felt so exhausted and tired and miserable.

Alec scratched his chin and then jumped up, excited, " I know! Do you remember last year when we heard loud music playing outside and it was Izzy's boyfriend, begging for her to take him back? It was her favourite song and she cried all night in his arms**? **do that with Kaelie. Do you know her favourite song?"

I thought for a moment and nodded, " Yeah, its Without you by Usher", I said pulling my hair.

Alec laughed, " Well then, get a hold of it and play it outside and then when she comes outside, kiss her like you mean it and she may let you speak"

I let Alec lead me inside and the door was closed behind me as I sat on my bed. I flicked through the I-tunes store and found the song I was looking for. I downloaded it and lay on my bed. Waiting for night to come.

o.0.o

I now stood in front of Kaelie's house. Two small speakers attached to my phone, sat on the grass while I held a big red rose in my hands. The streetlight provided the light I needed to see if she was opening the door. I had my finger ready to press the play button and I felt a nervous feeling in my gut. This was so cliché, it wasn't funny. The guy running up to the girls door and playing her favourite song to get her back, it was what every girl dreamed of right?

I took a deep breath and prayed that this would work and I would be able to feel her lips on mine. When I kissed her, I felt like someone had just coated my lips in sugar, and I needed to taste and feel more of it.

I pressed the play button and the music blasted out of the speaker._I cant win, I cant reignI will never win this game,without you, without you_

A light turned on in the upstairs window, which I knew was Kaelie's. my heart raced ferociously and my breathing hitched. Waiting for her to appear in the window. But she didn't.

_I am lost, I am vain,_

_I will never be the same_

_Without you, without you_

She still was not at the window. But I knew she was listening. Otherwise she would turn the light off and not make a sound.

_I wont run, I wont fly _

_I will never make it by_

_Without you, without you_

_I cant rest, I cant fight _

_All I need is you and I _

_Without you_

I saw a figure move towards the window but stop behind the curtain. I knew it was Kaelie, I knew by the shape of the shadow, but what I longed to see was her face. Her blonde hair framing her beautiful face and her bright blue eyes and pink lips. The figure would not show itself and so I kept the song playing. The chorus finished playing as the next verse played out

_Cant erase, so ill take blame_

_But I cant accept that were estranged_

_Without you, without you, _

_I cant quit now, this cant be right_

_I cant take one more sleepless night _

_Without you, without you_

I saw a hand placed on the curtain and I saw her shoulders heave and her head lower as the hand then dropped and she turned around.

_I wont soar, I wont climb_

_If your not here, im paralysed_

_Without you, without you_

_I cant look, im so blind_

_I lost my heart, I lost my mind_

_Without you_

Just then the door burst open and Kaelie came running out across the grass. Her long blonde hair trailing out behind her like a cloud. I smiled as I took a step forward. Then I felt her hit me with such force that I almost fell back. She wrapped her legs around my waist and brought her arms up around my neck, tugging at the strands at the back of my neck. I could see the tears streaming down her face in the dim light as they glistened and shone.

Her lips connected with mine, hard and hungry, wanting more with each second that passed. That sugary feeling came back and I smiled against her lips as I held her hips in my hands. Our lips danced passionately together after a whole day of misery and separation. It was like they had been apart for millennia and only now being reunited. Clary's voice spoke in my head, _**good work Jacey**_

I smiled further as Kaelie pulled away, " Im so sorry Jace. I was stupid and jumped to conclusions"

I shook my head, " No, I should of told you before, I just… I've never loved anyone like the way I love you. Those words in the song, describe everything"

She looked at me and smiled, " Me too and together we'll figure It out"

I smiled as I kissed her again, softly and slowly. Then she rested her head on my shoulder, and nuzzled my neck with her nose, her warm breath making me shudder slightly.

" Hold me… for tonight?", she asked quietly.

I nodded, " Anything"

I carried her inside and up the stairs into her room. I put her down gently on her bed and turned off the light, closing the door and then joining her in her bed.

She snuggled up to me and rested her head against my chest, our legs intertwined and my arms wrapped around her back. I whispered, " I love you"

I got the reply I wanted, as I felt her breathing slow down as she fell asleep. I closed my eyes myself and fell asleep a happy man. I had reconciled with Kaelie and I knew she loved me and she forgave me. that's all I needed to leave this earth ecstatic. All I needed to live the rest of life was Kaelie by my side. To have Kaelie by my side forever would be a dream come true.

_**Should I end it here? **_


	20. Chapter 20

_**Wow… not one review for that chapter at all:/ im sad now…. I hope you guys show this story how much you love it because this is definetly the second last chapter… no lies this time:D haha **_

It had been almost a year now, my relationship with Kaelie. We had excepted each others flaws, and past relationships. That stayed in the past. I had never found out who sent that picture to Kaelie's door but I had forgotten all about it, erased it from my memory and dug it in a hole and sealed the box. Kaelie had moved on from it too, choosing to look at it like it was a test. A test to see if we would last together and we had passed it. Which made us both extremely happy.

_**(I don't know how uni works, im just guessing!) **_We had graduated and were now in university. Studying our little hearts out. Kaelie had chosen to study psychology and supernatural things like ghosts and paranormal stuff, which I had joined with her. It was interesting to know about this stuff and how to talk to ghosts or dead relatives, but I didn't have to know about this stuff. Neither did Kaelie. But we didn't care. We had Magnus, our private medium… well.. Kaelie needed him but I didn't. I just had to say things silently in my head and I would get an answer but if I wanted to touch her and see her I had to go to Magnus. Who conveniently didn't mind being bothered by our consistent needs to mingle with the dead.

I on the other hand chose to study the art of weaponry and fighting skills. To teach kids how to stand in a strong and overpowering position and be strong and courageous. How to manoeuvre around quickly to avoid being hit and to swipe knocks and hits to take the opponent down. And also doing the supernatural thing with Kaelie.

o.0.o

In the middle of the term, we were on a four week break for spring. Kaelie's favourite season out of them all. She would take me to a flower field, she had found when she was little, that would be bare and gloomy during the winter and on the first day of spring, this single brilliant red rose would bloom and blossom brightly and beautifully and be the only rose until a week later when every single flower would be bloomed and the smell of pollen and flower petals would hang heavily in the air with each waft of wind. It was a beautiful place that we had visited last year at this time.

It was the first day of Spring now and we were on our way to the flower fields. I was driving in my roofless car, the wind blowing through my hair and sending it back and the music blasting while Kaelie rested her head on my shoulder, sending shivers down my spine.

I pulled into a small dirt road that was covered by trees and Kaelie looked up in admiration at the tunnel of overhanging tree branches that swayed peacefully in the wind. I smiled as I pulled the car up beside a big oak tree and Kaelie jumped out of the car and ran towards the place where the rose would bloom and blossom in a matter of minutes.

I watched her run in long strides through the greening grass and jump over the flowers to get to the middle of the field where the rose was about to grow, her long blonde hair trailing out behind her. I grabbed something from the glove compartment that I had hidden under a bunch of crap and shoved it into my pocket, palming it softly with each step I took. Butterflies slowly making their way to my stomach and fluttering around in there, trying to make me back out but I wouldn't back out of this.

I followed her trail through the grass and eventually joined her at the site of the rose, its leaves were already a dark shade of green, the little bud at the end, splitting ever so slowly and carefully. Kaelie stood watching it and I looked at her and kissed her cheek softly, she turned and smiled at me with her blue eyes flashing in excitement.

I looked at the rose and just as the bud unfolded and settled into the many layers of a brilliant scarlet red rose, I knelt down on one knee and took the box out of my pocket, smiling all the way and holding the box up, flicking it open with my thumb to reveal a shiny diamond ring.

Kaelie turned to glance at me but didn't register what I was doing which made me chuckle as she looked back at the rose and bit her lip, her thinking face. Now she was registering what she saw and she quickly jumped up with a smile on her face, spreading ear to ear as she stood in front of me. I took one of her hands in mine and stared up at her with shining eyes. I couldn't believe I was doing this, everyone always believed I would never settle down like this, that I would always be a player. But I felt that this was the right thing to do with Kaelie. I couldn't picture a life with other girls but with Kaelie I could see us growing old and shrivelled together. No matter how gross and disgusting it sounded to grow old, I could see it and I knew she could see it too.

I watched her smile spread even further and tears come to her eyes, glazing them over and making them burn brighter to almost glow.

" Kaelie. Will you marry me?"

_**Sorry if its short, I have a lot to do this week with 6! Stories to write as well as homework, assessment and other things! **_


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